Overheard: the Fashion Adviser

In a time before cell phones, in a land far, far away, I slumped myself against the wall of a government telephone office to await my call. Below my self-sheared flattop, I was sweltering in a white T, pink-and-black striped Fioruccis, and heels. The important thing was I was looking good, an American punk in the Eternal City.

The August sun shimmered off Rome’s sidewalks, sending tendrils of heat snaking through the portal into the lofty interior. Glistening tourists stood in long queues gripping damp slips bearing phone numbers of home. Those lucky enough to have deposited their requests with the listless functionaries seated themselves along the perimeter, backs to the cool stone, to await an overseas connection.

Two matching strangers found themselves seated side by side, crisply-dressed Americans of a certain age, kohled eyes, spray-stiff hair, and statement bags. One was cracking gum.

The gum chewer turned to her neighbor and asked companionably in a heavy Brooklyn accent, “So, have you been shopping?”

The other replied in sisterly nasality, “Oh! The shopping!” Her manicured fingers flipped open in a gesture of immensity.

“And, have you found anything you like?” asked the first, inclining her head toward her compatriot, earrings clacking.

“Of course. Of course.” The fingers wagged, nails up.

“What? What?”

“Yesterday, I saw a beautiful dress.”

“So, did you buy it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’d never wear it.”

“Phhhh,” dismissed the gum chewer. “Some clothes you buy to wear, and some you buy to look at.”

“Attenzione, attenzione,” called the voice over the address system. “Signora Dresser. Cabina numero cinque.”

With that the fashion adviser arose, delicately detached her Armani frock from her thighs, clutched her bag and clicked off to her international call.

She was right. Those Fiorucci pants that looked so fashionable in Italy? They seemed buffoonish back in the States. But, I still have them squirreled away in a drawer. Every once and a while I pull them out just to admire their audacity.