The Unbearable Duality of Being

Life. It is more than just breathing in and breathing out. More than getting up in the morning, going to the office, having a drink with friends, spending times with loved ones. More than the sum of all the happiness or sadness it brings along.

Life to me is a balance between two selves fighting for space within. Each correct in its own right, not allowing the other the smallest of the opportunities to triumph. Life to me is the outcome of resolved conflicts of my inner and outer selves. Sometimes the resolutions are perfect, pleasant to both the parties. At times it is bitter to one of them. But it has to go on. Life to me is an unbearable duality.

The outer self tags along the societal rules. It abides by all the basic human instincts. It loves greed, it hates misery, it craves another human being, it envies another human being, it fears death, it loves remembrance. I wear my outer self one good half of the day interacting with other outer selves of other human beings around me. Talking to masked unknown faces of familiar people, laughing at unwanted jokes, feeling sorry for issues we don’t care about. Its a feast for the outer self as it goes on. Trying to capture the entire mindspace. Following its regular evolutionary traits it wishes to eliminate competition.

The inner self is shy. But it is strong as a rock sitting in the middle of a fierce stream of water. The waves of existence lashes out at it, testing its perseverance. It sits there. Strong. Tight. Resilient. It starts its work in the loneliness. Asking questions about the actions taken in haste, during the periods of mad adrenaline rush. It sorts out of options, it trims the choices, it prepares me for the future.

My outer self takes care of my present. My inner self prepares me for my future. My outer self uses the experience to take right decisions right now, My inner self builds wisdom to take right decisions tomorrow. My outer self feeds my body. My inner self feeds my soul.

At times I feel like two different persons sharing the same human body. Sounds like schizophrenia, isn’t it? But I doubt, is that really a medical condition or rather a human condition? Isn’t it natural to have this dual nature? I suppose it’s necessary to maintain the balance. The balance of the yin and the yang, the female and male principles of the universe. As a stardust, as a part of the universe, it seems very natural to me.

We create the differences. We love segregation. To make things simple enough for our cognition, sometimes we do away with the truth. May be we all share the eternal duality. We simply choose one. But we don’t stop there. We kill the other one. Not only the one inside us, but the one inside others. The regular evolutionary traits of competition.

I adore the duality within. Some quotation goes by ‘Life is riding a bicycle, to maintain balance you have keep moving’. I might be mixing words a bit in that quote but it goes something like that. It’s my quest to find that perfect balance. Amongst all those external and internal impulses and attractions, the only true meaning is to find the balance. It was for my forefathers, it will be for my for my successors. The eternal human quest. I strive for that.