BREAKING! Rapist Finally Admits That He’s a Rapist

Rapist supporters scramble to find new ways to deflect the obvious

In a non-shocking, totally expected turn of events, rapist Bill Cosby, famously known for raping over 40 women, admitted to being a rapist today via unearthed evidence from 2005. 2000-and-fucking-5.

Moderately famous Twitter asshole and Cosby supporter said:

“I can’t believe it… it’s just hard to believe like 46 women you know, it’s very confusing. It’s much clearer when you hear it from one man. That really helped.”

A long-time spineless ass turd celebrity supporter remarked that,

“Bill Cosby has never personally tried to rape me so I just don’t really get how he could do that to someone else. In the same way that Guy Fieri has never cooked for or near me so he can’t be a chef.”

Several Cosby Show fans admitted to feeling Shyamalan’d at this news.

“I understand those 46 women now, I feel so helpless. What am I gonna do with my Cosby DVD collection? No one’s gonna buy it on Amazon,” Said one selfish douchebag who still doesn’t really get it.

We caught up with Jack Dickwad, considered by many to be a huge Cosby Show fan and also completely fucking delusional.

“It’s honestly so terrible. I can’t believe my romanticized vision of him based on a fictional character could rape those women!”

We followed up with two incompetent police officers who failed to do their job in the first place to gauge their reactions.

“Typically when someone tells us they are raped, we make sure it was in a dark alley between the hours of 12 am and 5 am. We call that the rape window,” Said Officer Meathead Shitface, “And we usually look to arrest homeless diagnosed sociopaths that resemble an Ogre from Lord of the Rings. Frankly, Bill Cosby did not match any of that.”

His partner Officer Even Dumber said,

“In most rape cases, criminals aren’t usually loveable household icons so there wasn’t a protocol we could follow.”

Still some have not given up hope in proving that stupidity can still win.

“Exhibit A: Bill Cosby said he wasn’t a rapist,” Said Cosby’s lawyer, vehemently while trying to pull his head out of his asshole, “That is straight from his own mouth so the evidence remains irrefutable.”

Some of Cosby’s totally spineless asswipe friends are also still on the “non-rapist” train. His jerk friend Max acclaims that he got dinner with Cosby just the other night.

“I had a cold so we ordered Thai on Grub Hub. We laughed at some diaper commercial together and talked about the weather. See a rapist just wouldn’t do that.”

But after today, most of his miserable trash friends, family, and dumbass supporters have finally fucking seen the light.

“I can now accept that Bill Cosby is a rapist since he finally said he is. That’s just how our justice system works –innocent until the accused says he’s guilty.”

No comment yet from Rapist Bill Cosby on why he is such a steaming pile of rotten fish garbage. Stay tuned.