on love.

6 am. i know.
i know i’m supposed
to go out there
but i don’t want to.
i know i’m supposed to
chat with strangers
but there are plenty
in these books.
i know i should listen to
new music
but these records are
just as damn good.
i know there’s a man for me out there
but do I really
have to look?

7 am. love is a lull
love should feel
like the lull
you crave
after a long conversation.
a respite,
despite
all the obligations you owe.
a day off
when you put away
what you put on
for others.
a long sweet breath
you’ve been aching to take.
like feet on a coffee table
and the warmth of a book
and the hum of your favorite song
familiar and fresh.
every single time.

8 am. an affair with words.
i love words,
i love them dearly.
and they’re the only things
that have loved me back.
9 am. anxiety.
anxiety is like
a marathon i’m always running;
the illusion of a finish line
that never comes.
i’m so used to the racing
that i’ve even accepted
that i haven’t won.

10 am. like snow.
you loved me like snow.
perfect for hallmark
cards, movies, and songs.
lovely to look at
when it’s falling,
ideal for the holidays
isn’t it?
the kind of stuff
for postcards.
i wish you could’ve weathered
the bitter, hard parts.
given the February kind of love.
the kind of thing
that has more kindness.
you loved me
when I was
soft to touch.
but not so much
when I lost the touch.
the truth is
i was never falling for you.
i was falling
and then there was you.

11 am. like water.
love me like water
we’ll flow separately
or sink.
there is no mine and yours
just us
existing.
we’ll grow memories on earth
blossoming to be.
hard, soft, warm, cold
all the same with me.
don’t think it doesn’t scare me
i’ve been thirsty.
but if we move softly and slow,
baby, it has the most natural melody.
