How I Learned Confidence

Learning to love yourself in a broken world

Photo by Dương Trần Quốc | Unsplash

There’s a simple, fast solution to lacking confidence in our world. Say fuck you to society and continue to be your awesome self.

But that’s much easier said than done. We struggle to love ourselves, constantly buying into the idea that we are not good enough as we are. The makeup industry alone made $58.7 billion in 2014. This industry thrives on creating insecurities in women to turn a profit. And you and I buy into this.

Why do we feel like we aren’t good enough?

Why do you feel like you aren’t good enough?

Because we grew up hearing from our parents, our peers, boys we wished loved us that we were never going to be good enough. Our hair was never the right texture, our weight never low enough, the makeup we wore was too heavy or not enough.

We can never please everyone but we can please ourselves. We can decide that we are good enough. We are strong enough, smart enough, talented enough. And we can decide that we are more than just our outward appearances.

It’s easy to hide behind false eyelashes; makeup gives us the power to be who we want to be and that is an incredibly powerful and rewarding thing. But it turns negative when we lose our identities and rely on makeup and others approval create who we see in the mirror.

Approval is a scary thing. We as humans crave acceptance and confirmation from our peers. This is what creates our identity, it gives us a little space in this overcrowded world.

Approval isn’t just love and joy. It’s pain, it’s never being enough, it’s falling into the trap that you will never love yourself until everyone else does.

Men and women everywhere are suffering from the lack of acceptance. They are suffering from the physical, mental, and emotional effects of not being enough. They are pained by the tragic loss of themselves.

At least 30 million people in the United States are suffering from an eating disorder of some form. They are suffering mentally and emotionally from not fitting in and not being good enough.

This epidemic is caused by the industries, and consequently effected people, who have created a too-perfect image that is beyond reach. We are struggling to fit a mold that no one can squeeze into. No one is every perfect enough for the world we live in, not even those who have created this disgusting stereotype.

And don’t think this is just a “lady thing.” Confidence is an everyone thing; men, women, and anyone in between struggles with. Almost 15% of anorexia patients are male and 16% of college aged transgender students have an eating disorder of some form. This is a problem caused by our society, caused by us continuing to buy into the idea that we are never good enough, never thin enough, never worthy of being confident.

We believe that when we finally fit into those jeans or when our skin is finally clear, we’ll be confident. It as if we don’t deserve to have confidence, we shouldn’t love who we are. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Where you are right now is good enough.
Say that again. Say it out loud. Say it wherever you are.
Where you are right now is good enough.

And where you are tomorrow is good enough. Where you were yesterday was good enough. Confidence comes from believing that you are doing the best you can and that is perfect. It comes from knowing that it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy and healthy. Confidence is born from the minds of people who have decided to be unapologetically themselves.

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” — Anne Sweeney, Co-Chair of Disney

By choosing to define ourselves by ourselves, we take power into our own hands. We take the power away from other people to make us feel like total shit and create to power to feel invincible. You have the ultimate authority in your life. If no one can force you to eat your peas, why do you let them control how you see yourself? Choose to be confident and chose to build a life you’re proud of.

So today, decide you are you and that’s amazing. Where you are, what you are doing, and who you are in this moment is perfect and it is wonderful.

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