Don’t put crystals up your vagina
Because our muffs are not a ‘life hack.’
Okay, so first thing’s first. I can’t believe it’s 2018 and I have to write this.
Ten years ago, we were freaking out about the thought of vajazzling our foofs.
Now we seem to have got to the point that we don’t blink an eye when Gwyneth Paltrow recommends we put crystal jade eggs up our ‘yoni’.
I mean, there are so many wonderful things about vaginas. They’re self cleaning, apparently they each have their own smell (according to google anyway — I did not know this!), and they deliver babies. Name another part of the human anatomy which is half as impressive.
And there are more slang names for vaginas than there are breeds of dogs (don’t quote me on this — but after doing lots of sex education sessions with colleges which started with naming all the slang for penises and vaginas though, I’m pretty confident. Beef curtains is one of my personal favourites.)
Yet, regardless of how amazing they are, here we are, talking about putting healing crystals up them.
And this is only one part of the conversation. I could go on a whole heap of other vagina-related rants…okay I’ll keep them brief:
- Can we just take a second to spare a thought for the teenage girls who are in the middle of watching Coronation Street and have to sit through an advert about bacterial vaginosis with their parents. I mean, when did you last see an advert for foreskin smegma? (Though I did see a bollock deodorant in Boots the other day!)
- The STUPID logic behind this Always pad advert that tells us there are 3.5 billion women in the world so why would we only have one type of sanitary pad because all women are different. And then advertise 4 PADS.
Okay, back to the crystal thing.
We are beyond this.
Our vaginas are not a commodity. They’re not something else for the self-help world to capitalize on. You know, the part of the self-help world which is full of wealthy white, western women who have to find the latest thing, not matter how ‘quirky’ or made up it is (*cough* antioxidants).
Vagins don’t need to be spruced up, fluffed up, sprayed and filled with crystals.
If you’re reading this and you happen to be the owner of a vagina, she is good the way she is.
Your vagina needs appreciation, not life hacks.
And you certainly don’t need crystals up your beaver.
If you’re a fellow bullshit-free creative and multi-passionate, come and on over make yourself at home! You might also want to check out The Couragemakers Podcast — because building the life you want takes a shitload of courage, and you don’t have to do it alone.
