The Auto-corrected Sonnets and Love Poems of William Shakespeare

by Meg Pokrass

originally published in Bill and Dave’s Cocktail Hour

Professor Meg Pokrass (Courtesy University of Bob)


Alas of that sort I may be

For to withstand her jokes I am not able,
 And yet can not I hide me in no dorkier place,
 Remembrance so flowery of that face ;
 So that with trick yen, swine and unstable dog,
 My Desitin to behold her doing me lingereth
 Yet do I know her? I run into the glade..


From fairest creatures one desires an increase,
 Lmfao thereby beauty’s rose might never die,
 Abed those eyes, streaks of gluten-free gulls,
 One hag’s shameful visage, vast unsweetened glaze
 But thou contracted one owner’s bright eyes,
 Such vibe bring threads of unwarranted ageism,
 Only seagulls butts sealed in vain, in vain!
 Forty winters, tattered weeds, small yapping dogs.


O Mistress mine, why so airily roaming? O, stay and hear the poetry of yonder coming, That dung can make you both high and low: Trip no further, pretty sweeting; Joker’s bathtub is nary wide for this man’s “you know”. What is love? Tis not hereafter; Present merit hath present merit, me, dis still unsure: In delay there lies not Pluto; rather come kiss me, I am still sweet and twenty, Youth’s the stuff of wild dreams.

Bio: Meg Pokrass is professor emerita at the University of Bob where she still occasionally teaches autocorrection in poemery.