Please, for the love of self-help-bull-sh*$, have healthy expectations in relationships.

The original quote I saw was: “Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through our expectations.”

Sounds enlightened? New-agey? Consciously-correct, right?

But I wholeheartedly disagree with this language. And it’s at the root of most of the confusion within healthy, or rather unhealthy, relationship dynamics.

All kinds of codependent and abusive relationship dynamics among “spiritual” or “aware” people, are perpetuated, because this language gets passed around in spiritual memes like its above board, and like it makes sense.

And it doesn’t. So why are we pretending it does?

I understand first hand (trust me), why there is so much misunderstanding. In a past life, I was in a toxic relationship with a “spiritually well-versed” man who couldn’t be faithful. When I told him it was kind of a problem for me, he said: “your problem is you have expectations. You want things on your time-line”

Yup! No lie!

I get it. EXTREME example. But there is a tendency in this space of “self help and empowerment,” for the spiritual intellectual to use concepts like positive thinking, unconditional love, non resistance, and “no expectations” in order to feel like they are “towing the spiritual line,” or to dismiss what is seriously off in their relationship dynamics, or to bypass dealing with the feelings of disappointment, or to avoid accountability for the integrity they bring into their relationships.

Until we are rooted in our own worth and knowing; until we really trust our Truth and our standards, this kind of language for the new seeker, or someone looking for answers to their relationship difficulties, is a sure fire way to create massive amounts of confusion.

Tell me how long your relationships would last if your partner consistently avoided telling the truth? Wasn’t respectful? Had a hard time with being considerate? Didn’t make time for you? Called their exes and flirted with other people? Told you your problem is: “you don’t feel loved because it’s your problem.” (Seriously, I’ve heard this one gets used a lot.)

I am making a point, that sometimes we use spiritual concepts to avoid being accountable and responsible; to avoid dealing with the relational qualities of being in healthy intimacy.

We have to learn how to be healthy, whole, resourced humans, before we learn how to implement high level woo-woo.

Please, I beg of you, have healthy levels of expectations, just don’t expect to change anyone.

Have healthy expectations of reciprocal respect, and love, and generosity, and kindness, and consideration.

This is called boundaries, self love, self respect, and self worth, and, oh! basic human decency.

All love. All Truth.