SELF HELP

Falling out of Love, Solitude & Creating Happiness

Mehek Kapoor
Sep 5 · 6 min read
Image Credits: Unsplash

Chapter 1 — Falling out of love

I locked my heart, and gave you the key, and you lost the key in your past,
I crossed my heart, I prayed for you, that your love too, shall never last…

Life can be brutal sometimes, and love is nothing but a ‘luck-by-chance’ game for everybody. I mean it. Everybody. If two people love each other, either their families won’t let them be together or their situations put them into tough circumstances, or they are thrown into a long distance relationship, all the shit happens, so that they either break-up or they simply fall out of love with time.

There are very few couples who actually end up together. And by ending up together, I don’t mean ‘married’. I mean — in love, till death genuinely does them part!

But how do you fall out of love?

Just like you can fall in love with someone, falling out of love isn’t tough either. There are ways in which people grow apart from each other and they mature in different circumstances, stay away from each other for a long time to not recognise who they are actually dating. It’s common. It’s part of growing up.

As a school or college student, we weave a hundred dreams about marrying the one we have a crush on, spending our whole lives together and having babies, laughing with each other in the backyard while sipping tea. But as we grow up, we are thrown into our individual lives, and then when we meet our school or college friend, years after living apart, we realise how different we are from them. How we don’t recognise that person anymore. How we wonder ‘was I really friends with this person?’ All those chats and talks of the past sound so stupid. Kiddish. Illogical. Irrelevant. Worn out.

Image Credits: Unsplash

Chapter 2 — Solitude is your best friend.

There is nothing more comforting, than knowing that no one has the power to hurt you, and that happens only with complete solitude. When you distance your true self from everyone to an extent that no one can even guess who you are. You can wear layers and layers of personalities over the real-you and hide that reality from everyone, till you find someone, with whom getting naked isn’t awkward.

When two people fall in love, it is much more than just spending a good time together. It is also about understanding their weak points, supporting them in their down-time and sometimes, forgetting your own woes and fears to stay strong for them. Hearing them cry. Throwing fits at you. Being angry. Sad. Depressed.

For some people, it is so effortless to love each other, because doing everything for their partners is like breathing. You don’t have to remember that you need to breathe. You do it subconsciously. And so does the other person.

But at times, the duty of supporting someone, being with them through their thick and thins, becomes so burdensome and heavy, that your dreams and wishes start to get crushed under that weight of expectations.

Image Credits: Unsplash

Chapter 3 — You are a half, but you are complete

Doing everything effortlessly for someone, isn’t easy at all. This is the love that existed in olden times, our parents or grandparents maybe. Married for over four decades, and still in love with the same person. But was it truly love? Or was it the societal shame that followed if you left someone or if you divorced someone? Has freedom and less stigma around divorces, made people take love for granted? Has that olden love vanished from the world, or was it never there to begin with? Is any love story without struggles? Is there even love, without struggles? They say it doesn’t exist anymore, but it does. Just that the puzzle pieces are arranged wrongly.

You are one piece of the puzzle, and your partner or soulmate is supposed to be the other piece. Many times, we try to crawl, cramp, adjust and force ourselves to fit in with the other piece, but either we fit by force, or the arrangement breaks.

Everyone is a complete and a half in their own. If you have found your soulmate, you are a half, they complete your other half, and if you are still wandering alone in the world, looking for someone to share your life with — you are complete.

You are complete till someone makes you realise that you lack something that they can add, and that they lack something that you can add in a relationship. When you realise that two people make a relationship complete, only then you are a half.

The world will always force you to believe that you are a half at all times, but you are not. There are ways in which you can make other people shine, and there are ways in which someone else might make you shine brighter, but that does not make you a half in any sense.

You are a full, a complete in your own self. Just because someone has something that you lack, does not mean you ‘need’ those things to be ‘you’. You have everything that you need to be ‘you’ and you can very well be happy in your own arrangement.

Image Credits: Unsplash

Chapter 4 — Creating Happiness

They say you need to find ‘where your happiness lies’, I say you need to ‘create’ your happiness. Finding happiness never works. It’s like finding God. Some people claim that they have succeeded in doing that but at the end, they have ‘created’ an image of a supreme being in their minds, and called it ‘God’. They passed that message to others, and forced them to believe that they can too, find a God, whereas they themselves, created a God.

You can too, create your own God. Be your own God. Create your happiness. Once you are successful in doing that, there is nothing in the world that you cannot achieve. There is unlimited happiness that you can generate, all within you. Your body, your soul and your mind, combined together, become a powerhouse of immense energy. Imagine it this way — the world started with a few men who only knew how to use stones and sticks, and now we have reached other planets, built things out of our imagination, achieved so much that this world would seem magical to someone who was born two centuries ago.

Creating your happiness is not tough, it’s as simple as it can be. You only need a complete self-control over your mind, to prevent the continuous comparison from happening. A comparison that leads to toxicity in your mind, jealousy in your heart and finally, pulls you down to a level of self-criticism and humiliation. Never go down that path.

Always believe that you are much more than the vile thoughts and negativity that starts to surface in your mind when you see someone else’s success. You are the powerhouse of positivity, energy and productivity.

Even if you broke up, had a failed relationship, a failed marriage or a failed life, it was not completely your fault alone, as there are a lot of things involved when something goes wrong. The other person, the circumstances, your presence of mind, your own mental battle and hundreds of external factors. You can always move on from the wrongdoings, and start afresh.

You can do that right now, but only if you believe in it. Everything is in your head, your mind. You completely control your life’s story, and it is always up to you whether you want to write a happy story or a sad one.

So, what are you waiting for? Grab the notebook of your life and write your own perfect chapters with success and happiness! Move on from the negativity now, for there is nothing to hold on to. There lies a better life ahead from where you are standing. All you need to do is, take one step forward…

Mehek Kapoor

Written by

Product Designer and Writer (Design today, for tomorrow)

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