Trigger Warning: Bright Side
I know. Most trigger warnings are about emotionally traumatic things that we might find disturbing and so that might be a bit tasteless of me, but I think it could be useful to apply here. When somebody shows a nauseating ability to look on the bright side — right when I’m wallowing in my big black cloud, it seriously p***es me off. So, if this is how you feel today, Do Not Read On; This post is Not For you, go read Game of Thrones or something. Or watch Black Books. You’re welcome!
 
Ok. To business.
 
It’s been a month of shitty irritating first world problems but, for the most part, somewhat unusually, I’ve been able to find a silver lining.
 
 
Shitty Stuff:
I caught a virus, really horrible cough, absolutely exhausted, ‘crying in the school grounds’ kind of exhausted amongst other symptoms. So did No3. Then so did nos 1 and 2.
 
Bright Side:
When the kids got sick too, I didn’t have to drag myself to school with them.
We live in the age of drugs, and online grocery orders and TVs and computers and Take Away, it would be rude to not take advantage.
 
Shitty Stuff:
I got really sodding annoyed at Mr even though he did get home and make dinner for us when the simple act of moving would bring on THE cough marathon that left me gasping for breath and faint. Why did I get annoyed? Because he offered helpful advice like ‘you should go for a bike ride and get some exercise, that’ll help clear your cough and improve your immune system’. (I would post my thoughts on that but this is not the time or place for such profanities).
 
Bright Side:
I was grateful I had him around to get the kids to bed. And change the channel. And open the wine. Even if I did want to muzzle him.
 
Shitty Stuff:
About a week later Mr got sick and for the first time since he got shingles many years ago — he got sick enough to need time off work.
 
Bright Side:
I felt vindicated. He stayed in bed for days, and like me, he felt like crap for weeks. I could feel righteous and smug because I refrained from telling him he should go for a bike ride. My favourite quote of his during this episode was ‘I must be sicker than you were’. Bahahahahahha
 
Shitty Stuff:
The washing machine broke down. So did the vacuum cleaner. A washing machine is a great thing when kids chuck up, or the fever soaked sheets need changing, I missed it.
 
The Bright Side:
I still felt like crap so at least I had an extra good excuse for not doing a gazillion chores at once. When the kids were well enough to go back to school but no 3 was still sick and therefore having 3 hour naps, I napped too. Ahhhh. I could get used to that.
We’ve now replaced our washing machine with a cool second hand machine that has a funky electronic display and a bigger weight capacity. It makes cheerful little noises to help me pretend that I’m washing holiday clothes and not another piss soaked bed sheet or the same pair of trousers that I swear my daughter has only worn for half a second.
 
Shitty Stuff:
I was now well behind on the ‘Fixing Up The House To Put On The Market’ schedule so I called a glazier who came to quote for the window repairs that we need. He came, he saw, he didn’t have the expertise and has needed to refer me to his company’s specialist in ‘our kind of window’. Grrr
 
Bright Side:
I didn’t have to apologise and tell him that we’re actually too skint and have decided to live with the broken windows for a bit longer. :)
We could therefore afford to buy 6 bottles of cheap red wine.
 
Shitty Effin Crap Stuff
The Coalition are in office and we have the PM from Hell.
 
Bright Side:
Nope, can’t think of one. Sorry, even I’m stumped by How Sodding Gullible The Majority of Aussies Are This Time Round (Even some of my smart scientific compassionate friends — of both sexes!! I shit you not). I am utterly aghast at the voter’s politics and would like them ALL to apply for a brain and heart transplant immediately — while we still have medicare.
 
Shitty Stuff
My hot water pipe in the bathroom sprung a leak spewing hot water over all the towels, nappies, soaps and other absorbent sundries one keeps in the bathroom cupboards when me and the kids were in the house. Ooh ooh Burny!!Hot Hot HOT!!
 
Bright Side:
Me and the kids were home at the time — I got to it before we drained the reservoir.
Only half of the towels were in the cupboard since the other half were already in the super new whizz bang holiday jingle washing machine.
Having been sick: I had forgotten to place an order for another box of 48 toilet rolls and pick up a new box of nappies so they didn’t all get soaked. 
Neither had I the energy to fix the cupboard drawers so it’s the old ones that are now all swollen….. and peeling…… and oh. so. smelly. Better those than the new ones.
I still have 5 bottles of cheap red wine left.
 
Shitty Stuff
I still don’t have a vacuum cleaner.
 
Bright Side
I don’t have the energy to do any vacuuming anyway. Who gives a f**K?
 
Shitty Stuff
Our house looks like it’s been burgled, there’s stuff strewn around e v e r y w h e r e.
 
Bright Side
Wine — one more glass and it’ll look beautiful.
 
It’s the school holidays. We have understanding friends coming over tonight who won’t mind sharing the sofa with three weeks worth of (clean) laundry and I have red wine.

In the style of my dear (politically inept) Aussie mates — “It’s all good.”