Dial M for Misfire — Money Monster Review

I hope you remember when Jon Stewart brought in Jim Cramer in 2009 to publicly lambast him for his part in the financial meltdown. It was Jon in rare form, speaking truth to a figurehead of the criminally irresponsible financial establishment. That excoriation (among many other pieces of fine reporting and journalism) gave politicians like Elizabeth Warren two firm legs to stand on when attacking the many broken aspects of our economy.

Here, in case you want to watch it:

So, Money Monster: imagine that Jim has a full head of hair and is a charming misogynist instead of a snivelly little weasel-man. Now imagine that he has a gun pointed at him and is strapped into an explosive vest, and instead of just crapping himself, he nigh-immediately repents his wicked ways, partners with the gunman, and then punches out the CEO of Goldman Sachs in front of a statue of George Washington!

Oh, and that scheme Goldman Sachs cooked up? It was an incredibly simple bit of fraud (instead of those complicated credit default swaps things no one understands). And it was only a couple of executives, instead of an entire business model with tens of thousands of individuals participating. Indeed, it was fraud simple enough that Jim Cramer’s team, led by an unmarried shrew Julia Roberts, helps uncover the conspiracy! All in just two hours! Yeah!

So, that’s basically the plot of Money Monster. I haven’t even mentioned the incredibly disturbing nature of watching a gunman/terrorist with an explosive vest move through Wall St (they actually filmed it on location). Don’t worry though, the gunman is a white dude. It’s cool.

There’s a moment where George calms the terrorist down, saying, “you came here to get some answers. You deserve to get some answers.” There are no answers in this cinematic crime. Only more questions. Mostly, “George, Julia, Jodie, WTF were you thinking?”.

It isn’t just a bad movie. It is a dangerously stupid movie. If you want to know more about what happened in 2008, then watch The Big Short. Watch Jon Stewart’s interview with Jim. Hell, watch Transformers 2.

Definitely see it — See it — Skip it — Loathe it:

Loathe it.