Sensibility of Connection

I have been experimenting with social sciences for almost 20 years now. Picking up fuzzy terms and dissecting them for better understanding is what I have done all my life… at university as a student, in ad industry as a strategist and in corporate world as a planner. One of the best words I picked from my mentor was sensibility. He used it so often that I started feeling connected to it. It is indeed much more human to have a sensibility of something than to merely understand it. Although, time and space bestowed upon me by my exit from corporate world and stumbling upon a connection with someone, who thought connecting with people was a challenge… is where sensibility started to make sense.

We need to connect with our audience

Go attend some consumer connects

He is very well connected

I can’t connect with my boss

My phone is not connecting

Are we connected?

We experience these moments everyday at work. We also know that connection is what we miss in these situations. Yet neurologists and sociologists state that connection is why we are here. The anatomy of human brain and existence of human society is dependent on it. Here’s how a much-admired social worker and researcher of our age defines it:

Connection is the energy created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued — when they can give and receive without judgment.
Brene Brown

Letting our selves be seen is an act of courage. Here is how a human being, rather known as a brand embraces all his vulnerabilities in his interview with The Talks and says:

When I am on my deathbed, I don’t think I will be thinking about a nice pair of shoes I had or my beautiful house. I am going to be thinking about an evening I spent with somebody when I was twenty where I felt that I was just absolutely connected to them.
Tom Ford

I thought I understood connection till I sensed it. At the age of 38, possibly walking through a mid life crisis, my work is bound to be the highlight of my life. With our life partners not interested in us any more, our children on their schedule, our friends becoming colder, our struggle for social identity finds resolve in what we do, not in who we really are. It’s a culture code. What do you do is the first question we ask anyone we are apparently trying to connect with. Here’s the truth:

What we do, does not only define us, it consumes us. I experienced connection failure when my need to come across as a certain person took precedence over sensing what was going on in a situation. I was a so-called social scientist, trying to understand human action as deeply as my theoretical knowledge allowed me to. As much as I assured my self that I wasn’t judgmental, I thought I had an edge over others in creating a real narrative. And when I was purely human, my bid for connection was rejected, because it was time to be judged as an insight miner who was trying to read minds. My curiosity and wonder that I thought made me unique became a breach of comfort zone for others.

Connection in a wirelessly connected world is bound to be invisible.

It is actually a form of energy. How we feel our life is going, depends on how deeply and frequently we experience moments of connection. Whether you are raising a child or coaching a team, falling in love or negotiating a raise, making a speech or comforting a friend, taking lead or following a trail, you have to be in the moment when the bid for connection is made. You have to get yourself out there to receive this bid; if gender, life role and professional identity are the spokespersons you have appointed, you will never have a real conversation.

And you know you have missed a bid when the moment is gone and you are thinking you could have acted differently. When something brilliant is in making and you suddenly feel the spark has vanished. When you get yes as an answer and you know that it’s not.

You will always know when you have missed it because human tendency to feel exhilarated by connection and wilted by disconnection is undeniable. Being able to sense it is much greater than understanding it. And it is changing my perspective on relationships, worthiness and purpose. To begin with, getting out there and starting a genuine conversation with the universe.