My Favorite Houses for Synastry, Ranked
100% subjective— and 7th is at the bottom
Let’s talk house overlays
I love a good overlay (I mean, makes sense — I love synastry in general) and took inventory of which ones I loved and which ones meant very little — regardless of conventional wisdom or teachings on the matter.
What are “houses?”
There are 12 “houses” in astrology, loosely associated with the planets (and sometimes also with the signs, albeit with a bit more disagreement across the astrology community.) They each represent a different area of our life, and our birth time and rising sign (specifically) dictates what position the “wheel” is in, and which sign is in each house in our own chart.
What is “synastry?”
The way that two people interact based on their chart — where one person’s planets sit across the other’s houses is one thing to look at.
Traditional teachings focus on three “love” houses: 5th (pleasure), 7th (partnerships), 8th (intimacy), and we’re commonly encouraged to look to these for direction and affirmation on “good love synastry” and “worthwhile” romantic connections.
I challenge this. I argue we don’t all value those 3 houses highest. Because our charts are different, so too is how we seek (and receive) love.
A new take
I reviewed the charts of over 50 people in my life, focusing on a.) longterm partners (2+ yrs of dating), b.) short-term partners (6–12 mos), c.) crushes, and d.) those with whom I did not have romantic interest, as a control group. From this, I assessed common themes, giving more weight to those I had the strongest or most lasting connections.
Note: I only cover “other people’s planets overlaying in my houses” (not my planets in theirs), as the former is what we all have better insight into.
My list, favorite to least:
#1) 11th House
Are you surprised? Many would be, given that 11th is not one of the “romantic” houses — instead representing friends and the future.
But this is my “top tier” overlay — specifically: their moon in my 11th.
And it’s because of what 11th holds.
My ideal love isn’t “romance” — I don’t like being “wined and dined” or “swept off my feet,” and I’m not searching for serious structures like marriage (both of which, incidentally, will be evidenced again below.)
My favorite “love story” trope is “friends who become lovers” (examples: When Harry Met Sally, Forrest Gump, A Lot Like Love, Lion King, Just Friends, Jumanji, How I Met Your Mother, Sleeping With Other People.) Miss me with the “prince charming/Cinderella” storyline, the “enemies who become lovers,” or even “the meet-cute”; I’ll take the friends-to-lovers every time.
11th house synastry feels like this — like love built on friendship; like lovers who are also best friends. It’s not razzle-dazzle romance or serious relationship contracts — rather, it’s just fundamentally happy… comfortable, easy, relaxed, accepting, as well as aspirational, supportive, forward-looking.
I only got into astrology in the last few years, but after learning more about houses and looking back at past relationships, I realized:
Every long-term boyfriend I’ve ever dated had his moon in my 11th.
And I did not date them because they had this overlay — I knew nothing about houses when I started dating any of them. It just truly hits that right for me.
I also have a lot of friends with placements here (esp. sun, moon, venus), which of course makes sense.
It’s like a favorite pair of jeans — and dating them is like having your cake and eating it too.
— GOOD TIER —
The water houses + 6th
#2) 8th House
Yep, it’s one of the three “love” houses — but, contrary to what we all hear, it’s the only one that made the top half of my list.
8th house gets mixed reviews, and it depends largely on our own charts. Associated with Pluto, it’s the house of intensity, intimacy, merging, and depth.
For those with heavy scorpio or Pluto influence, this energy feels good (and less intense placements feel a bit “flat.”) For those without scorpio/plutonian placements, however, (or those whose placements are less evolved), this intensity can feel negative or like “too much.”
I like a bit of 8th house — not too much: i.e., not someone’s moon, because, while fascinating to experience and one of my top favorite placements to think about, it is a bit much for me in a sustainable relationships.
Rather, I like others’ venus and mars in my 8th.
Far from the exaggerated stereotype (crazed or all-consuming obsession some people write about on tumblr), for me venus and mars in my 8th feels “just right” — just enough depth, complexity, and richness I want and need.
I like sun & mercury too, though these more commonly resonate as “friends.”
#3) 6th House
Perhaps another shocker, as many widely scoff at this house as having no potential for “love,” outcasting it as a decidedly “unromantic” house. But to these people, I make the simple and adamant rebuttal: clearly you people do not have “acts of service” as your love language. Because for those of us who do, myself included, the value of this house in love is richly apparent.
6th house represents service, duty, day-to-day, and routines (as well as diet, health, etc., though that implication is secondary for me here.)
While this may not sound “sexy” or “exciting” to some, for those with the “acts of service” love language, this house is pure gold — and any planets here are felt as such.
Two of my longterm boyfriends had planets (mars, sun) in my 6th. Three major crushes had sun, moon, mars there. My mom’s moon is here. I’ve also had a number of great colleagues and employees with moon and venus in this house, and working with them resonates as pure, simple satisfaction.
In short, everything in this house that anyone touches with any planet is received as resounding and straightforward “care” and “love.”
#4) 12th House
Another water house — representing the subconscious, and what’s unseen.
What does this mean, exactly? (And more importantly: what does it mean to have someone’s planet there?) You’ll hear a lot of people talk about this overlay with all kinds of exaggerated descriptions: dreams, “soulmates,” twin flames, karmic connections (and the negative: delusions, distrust, or secrecy.)
For me, 12th is far simpler: it just feels like “knowing without saying.” It’s a shared glance across a room. It’s feeling, for an instant, like you’re the only two standing in it. It’s realizing without turning around that they’re ready to leave. It’s inferring where they’re at, what they mean, who they are, with a look. It’s “magic,” sure, but in a very, very simple, pure, ethereal sense.
I’ve dated two people with planets in my 12th (sun, moon), and have several friends with placements, and I’ve only experienced the positive descriptions.
This overlay feels like the wash of recognition after you’ve struggled to put something important to words and they gaze at you like “yep, I know.”
#5) 4th House
The last water house — representing home, both literal and figurative.
4th is not widely regarded as one of the “love” houses and frankly, I can’t understand why. (Arguing for “pleasure” (5th) above “home” as a measure of real love is a bit “subjective” at best.) 4th house is often treated with a bit of boredom, as though it represents little more than a pile of bricks — or only our own past, long gone (relevant, perhaps, for discussions of “baggage” but less applicable to current love.)
But there’s a lot more here for some people (myself included), and there are those within the astrology community who agree: this isn’t just about a literal home (nor is it about childhood or a parent.)
4th is also about the concept of “home”: what feels comfortable, stable, safe; what we “return to,” where we seek refuge, how we create a foundation to build the rest of our life.
Someone that “turns on the lights” or “rolls out the blankets” of your 4th house brings with them a feeling of familiarity, reassurance, softness and security. How anybody could struggle to see the “love” in that is beyond me (and, I suppose, not for me to worry about), but these placements feel nurturing, protective, and loving to me — especially the sun.
Fun fact: when we hired a realtor, I halfheartedly interviewed several before hitting it off with one I really liked. We worked with her for six months before I learned her birthday, and when I realized her sun fell in my 4th, all my feelings of reassurance I felt with her regarding a “home” made a lot of sense.
— MID TIER —
The fire houses + 2nd
#6) 5th House
Halfway down the list and we’ve finally reached the house most regard as house of “romance.” I don’t know about all that.
I’m not sure what my deal is with my 5th house (or perhaps the sign that rules it), but this just doesn’t resonate as real love to me. House of pleasure, joy, play, creativity… it’s fun, but it doesn’t have meaning.
Sure, my first love / high school boyfriend lit this up (as he should), and the occasional crush will do the same (of course; understandably.) But for me, that’s as far as this house goes in my life — a fun flirtation, maybe a little intensity and 1:1 attention, but little more.
#7) 9th House
House of “expansion” — philosophy, travel, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I really dig a 9th house connection — I can feel a moon or venus here after one conversation, because the dialog gets very rich and authentically deep in a way that (usually) seems natural, easy, and comfortable. I treasure friends with any planet in my 9th… and there have been two (one mars, one mercury) that became romantic partners. But for the most part, this feeling resonates most richly as “very good friendship.”
#8) 1st House
Look, the first house is just so easy — it’s like this shit is for free. House of first impressions, what’s immediate, on the surface, direct, and recognized. You drop someone’s planet in here and yeah, of course you’re both standing there staring at each other like “ayyy! look at you!” But is that love? I don’t think so.
#9) 2nd House
House of “value” — money, possessions, and self worth.
I’ve been very attracted to two people whose venus fell in my 2nd (they were both work-related relationships, as you might imagine), and I do enjoy the richness, exchange of value, and mutual satisfaction venus in 2nd creates. But I did not feel compelled to date these people, and none of my partners (either long or short term) have ever had any planets in my 2nd. This overlay feels “nice” and I do honestly enjoy the slightly “declarative” (read: “slightly possessive”) nature (i.e., s/he is “my [boss, employee, colleague, right hand, whatever]”), but it doesn’t translate as something I need in a romantic relationship.
— BOTTOM TIER —
The other two air houses + 10th.
#10) 10th House
House of reputation and career.
Look. I get that some people might be into this overlay. I would even understand if some were willing to admit. There are tangible benefits*. But these aren’t for me.
Don’t get me wrong — I love having people’s planets here outside of romantic relationships. I’ve had managers with their moons here (amazing), and friends with their suns here (also glorious.) I also really enjoy being the planet in other people’s 10th (hells yeah, let’s broadcast your awesomeness and support your growth!) It’s all wonderful… outside of romantic love.
*I’ve never had someone’s moon in my 10th, but I’ve had my moon in a partner’s 10th before, and when people occasionally write about this overlay having potential of the moon being treated like a “trophy,” I will say that in this one experience alone, that was true. And of course, some people aspire to that kind of love, and that’s fine, but it’s not mine.
#11) 3rd House
House of communication… such an important part of a relationship, yet this house just doesn’t resonate for me.
I’m not sure what else to add to the matter. I know half a dozen suns, half a dozen venuses, a handful of moons and mars that all fall in my 3rd, but none of these dynamics have ever leapt out as love to me. (Closest that came were two mars that fell here, and even those were just friends.)
#12) 7th House
Here we are, folks — the house of “partnership!”
This is THE HOUSE that many astrologers point to when asked to evaluate romantic relationships (either a specific overlay, or how an individual should go abut seeking one.) Conventional thinking goes: this is the house that represents your One True Love, your hubby/wife, your life partner.
But guys… I just don’t really relate to my 7th like that. In fact, it’s not just a limitation in my life love; I actually don’t relate much to my 7th in general: of over 50 people in my life, the only overlays (at all, romantic or not) that have fallen in my 7th are: my dad’s moon, my brother’s mars, my brother-in-law’s mars and venus, and 6 friends personal planets, none of which I feel any kind of “partnership” toward. (In fact, while I like/love all of these people, I wouldn’t use “partner” as a theme to describe my rapport with any of them.) So, it would make sense that to stretch any of that into being “the one” would be a stretch.
And yet, it’s the house of partnerships… Riddle me that.
In short
We all relate to our houses — and other people’s planet overlays — in ways that make sense to us. And I welcome all of us to explore what that means, to figure out what resonates and brings us the most value, what serves our deepest needs, rather than fumbling through or forcing a prescribed chart interpretation that may or may not make sense.
