Splendid 2015: When I Let My Dream Fuse with Life
Unpacking and looking out the ensuing journey in early 2015 genuinely excited me, following the charades happened months before. The ghost of 2014 is still here clinging on the edge of the island of my thoughts, shaping its form in endless frames, curling in the echoes of days that passed between my white and black. It was unavoidable, it was freaking awful — so to speak. Yet, I am thankful that I buckled my knees and opened my arms wide of what 2015 had to offer. “Smack me on my face and I’ll throw the storm into you!” was what I said to life back then. Cocky perhaps, but it was one thing I did to jump into the pond.
Life has a funny way of fooling us, fooling me. I tried gazillion of times to fathom that my dreams were the ones that could smother last year’s ghost. A couple of times I let dark poison ran wild through my veins and did not let the light of dawn approach my broken skin. I wanted to radiate. I wanted to illuminate. I wanted to emit. I wanted my heart to be filled with dreams. I got burned out so many times — thinking was the wrongs I had gone through deserved the limit of me?
Well, as I said, life has a funny way of fooling us. After captivated arrogance in the bottle of my head, collected pieces of stupidity, and etched all the heartache in the growing pain of mornings, I remembered what I told myself before walking the miles of 2015: I had to dream fearlessly (click to read). Quoting what I wrote:
Fortunately, my dreams always have a way of crawling back into my days. I dived again into my passion and figured out that this is my only shot in life. I don’t want to ruin it because of my own poisonous thoughts. Now, I want to let my curiosity get the best of me. Getting out of my mind’s cage is in fact a satisfaction. I believe no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.
It definitely reminds me that my dreams are not going anywhere. Before, I used to love the parts of me that were attached to all the too-familiar, the most painful and broken states. I actually enjoyed all the dark and the wounds patched on my skin. I craved for assurance, I seek for love, and I felt invalidated and unworthy so many times. Not anymore. Upon my existence, comes a great and amazing life to venture.
And so I did. I unequivocally fused my dreams into life and I think living my dreams is not so surreal anymore. I might still borrow some bitterness from my memories and the tears from every sunset I witnessed. They are merely just sweet reminders which paint my dreams even more colourful.
Bring it on, 2016. I am more than ready.