Are We Really Alright?

Friendships, dating and maybe even all relationships in the 21st century are fucked up. We’re all so guarded and quick to be the first one “out” of the relationship for fear of public humiliation. This goes for all relationships as I’ve discovered, platonic and for lovers.

There are various new ways to hurt people (if that’s what you’re into) on social media. Now it seems, you find out if your friendship has hit a rough patch by no longer being connected with them on social media. I, myself, haven’t done this (to friends — no, bad guys — YES), but have had it done to me. To me, it just doesn’t make sense. I’m not building a bomb with secrets that I have to hide on my page and I’m pretty sure I can just stop looking at what you’re posting by hitting my unfollow button. But, alas, that wouldn’t leave the person feeling less than, and that’s what we’re going for right?

I don’t understand what our obsession with hurting one another is. Unintentional men inviting intentional women over and then discarding them, have we lost our empathy (for ourselves, for them) along the way? Couples having to prove their togetherness through a Facebook relationship status, how awkward for when you part. We want everyone to know everything but then we wonder why nothing is sacred. It used to be just my close friends and family knew what I was up to, now some creep who saw me tag my location on Instagram can be kept apprised of what I’m doing next.

In response to this new style of living, dating and my quest to find Mr. Right, I have come up with a few 21st century red flags for myself, these have come about after personal experience and after numerous discussions with girlfriends. (Stop reading grandma, please).

My rules for dating as determined by observation of characteristics to these behaviors mentioned below (for myself, not a guideline). These make me nauseous that they’re even on here!

  • No guys with snap chat scores over 20,000 (which is a ton if you aren’t a perv). If he’s not on a trip, which might be exciting and worthy of 30–40 snaps at a time, you know he has a far deeper problem.
  • Online dating — A guy who will repeatedly ask me for full body shots before meeting me (I, unlike some girlfriends, don’t really get asked for nudes, this might be a personal problem). I know what he’s doing and I find it shallow. Preach to me all you want about physical attraction being the most important thing but how do you know a body is unattractive in a still photo? Bodies are attractive because of the way they move, period.
  • Guys who, unsolicited always, send me selfies of them in their car, of them in an elevator or of them anywhere, to be quite honest. I find this needy and it’s unattractive. Sorry guys.
  • A guy who is constantly liking every girls photo. We notice, we talk. Again, needy.
  • An insecure man is the most dangerous to your heart kind of partner. This will be the guy who despite caring deeply for you will continue to look for outside validation. Signs of this mentioned above ^.
  • Men who don’t read. Dear Lord, there is more to life than reality tv. If you were to read a novel you might finally straighten out your grammar. Grammar isn’t one of my flags but it is refreshing to chat with someone who I don’t have to sound out, “hooked on phonics” style, each text. These guys get at least 2 chances.
  • Athletes. I know, I know.
  • Men, without children, who have to pre-approve posts to their wall. I’m guessing you aren’t afraid of someone posting an embarrassing photo because you have 3000 of them in your own uploads. But heaven forbid, Mary from Tuesday night post the selfie she took of her face and your arm and Misty see it that is sending you nude snaps.
  • Hidden friend lists, again, maybe this makes sense if you’re a celebrity but I haven’t run into any yet.
  • A man who doesn’t like the outdoors. I don’t even know what to say to this. Speechless.

I’m sure I have more but these are the ones I hold near and dear.

Even as I write this I feel sorry for my grandma, who because of social media, will probably end up reading this. I’m sad for her generation watching us lose our values in place of superficial dignity and a whole, but empty, heart.