My brother died

I have briefly written about my brother, Nick , who took his own life in 2000. On July 30th my brother Chris died in a motor cycle accident ( some might say some stupid fucker in a car pulled out onto the main road Chris was driving along and provided a immovable object for Chris to drive his motorbike into)

I only wrote one thing about Nick – apart from all the replies I never posted – except I just posted all of them a fit of FUCK IT WHY AM I HOLDING IT ALL IN.

People you love dying is shit because you get to think about how you could have so easily been a better sister. Just seeing them a bit more often , and giving a shit. All that family history, you know them BETTERthan anyone else. You could have made a difference.

So now I can sit here and think about my brothers, Nick (30 when he died) and Chris (50 when he died) and consider. It doesn’t take much to make a phone call. Make extra for Sunday lunch. Make an extra effort to pass by, drop in. GIVEASHIT about them. Too late now though. I’m torn between feeling SHIT about being a crap sister and feeling bad for them because they died and it didn’t have to be that way.

I have one sibling left. My brother Mark. He was the oldest and I was the youngest which still stands I suppose. He is a very talented musician. I haven’t been to his last two gigs but you can hold me to this. I’ll be going to every one going forward because GIVEASHIT about the people you love.