There’s a song out by Jess Glynne called Take Me Home. I love it. I want to listen to it, I’ve added it to my favourites playlist. But it SLAYS me when I listen to it because of the lyrics.

My brother Nick, took his own life in 2000. He drove his car at about 70 miles per hour into a concrete post supporting an overpass. We had known for about 2 days that he wasn’t well, he was extremely paranoid, he thought his wife was poisoning him. On reflection, I think he was having panic attacks, and that the ‘rushes’ of that panic was what he thought was drugs she was hiding in his food or drink. We (mum and dad, me and my 2 other brothers) spent 2 days rushing around trying to work out what was going on. He went to the doctors with his wife but only said he was having trouble sleeping. His wife didn’t go in with him and explain any further about the situation. So we don’t really know what the situation was, to be honest.

Anyway the words to the song,

They kill me. I hear them and I would do it in a heartbeat. I had packed a bag the day Nick died, to go and stay with him. I’d spoken with mum, and said right if he won’t stay here with you and dad then I’ll go and stay there with them, make sure he goes to the doctors and fully explains the situation and just be around to keep an eye on things and support them. At the time we were thinking it must be horrible for his wife with the things he was saying about her and what he thought she was doing. WTF.

The night before he died Nick had been at my parents till about 4am. Quite distressed and awake all night talking about everything with mum and dad. My dad hid Nick’s car keys and refused to give them to him as he didn’t think he was in a fit state to drive. My dad didn’t want him to leave. But then Nick got a bit paranoid about my dad phoning the police as my dad had looked out of the curtains a couple of times – (to see if it was getting light) but Nick was saying “is that the police? “ Why would my dad have called the police? WTF. That’s why he gave him the keys at 4am as it got light. And Nick really wanted to go home. So he let him go. I don’t think my dad has or will ever forgive himself for that.

How were we supposed to know?

My brother drive his car into a concrete support of a bridge at 70mph at 830 am the next morning (within 4 hours of persuading my dad to give him his car keys back so he could go home. He died at the scene of the ‘accident’ .

Im supposed to put all the details of suicide support here, sorry I dont know about other parts of the world, but if you need help in the uk. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123

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