Why I left my toddler with her dad for a week and perhaps you should too
Recently I took the plunge, packed my bags, hopped on a plane and left my 2.5 year old daughter at home with her dad for a week while I went to an adult summer camp that promised to help me ‘live a good life’. I had never even left her over night…..this was big. There’s lots of reflecting and learnings to share but today, I focus on why I packed my bags and why I think that every parent needs to find their own way to get away too.
So, why did I do it? The short answer is because I needed to know that I could. I am a free spirit, seeking new experiences and challenges, always looking to take the unmarked path on a trail just to see where it goes. I realised that I felt stuck in parenthood and that it wasn’t making any of us happy. I was frustrated, my relationship with my husband was stretched as I inadvertently blamed him for my stuck-ness, and I was counting the minutes to nap time each day so I’d get time to myself…I like to think my daughter didn’t notice, but she probably did. Motherhood is a f*ck-load of contradicting emotions. I want time to myself but never want to leave my daughter’s side. I love being mom, and miss knowing who else I am. I both love my life and feel stuck. This likely wont change anytime soon so I figured it was time to try something different. The moment I walked through security in the airport after hugging my daughter and husband goodbye I wasn’t overwhelmed with sadness, it was with fear. I watched as my thoughts went from, ‘will they be ok?’ to ‘but who am I without them?’. And it was then, as that fear trembled through my body, that I knew I had made the right decision. I needed space to rediscover who I am. Only a small ask from a week away…but it delivered.
Being a parent is both so incredibly amazing and so incredibly difficult. We get so little time to ourselves, especially in those first few years, that it is easy to lose ourselves. When was the last time you got to shower in peace or sat down and read a book without falling asleep one page in because you’re too exhausted now the little ones are finally asleep? Without the time for these small luxuries, we certainly aren’t going to find the time or energy for reflection, mindfulness, journaling, yoga, taking a class, whatever it is that will help us grow as a person. Here’s the thing though, without the space for growth, we suffer and so do those around us.
For me, I knew that the quickest way to remembering who I am was to stick myself in the middle of an incredibly loving community where I could experiment with being anybody I felt like in the moment and they would fully support me. Camp Good Life Project gave me that space and constantly challenged me to reflect, think, explore, and learn about myself. I went with a ‘see what happens’ attitude and chose workshops which were light hearted and exploratory like art, yoga, meditation, and wonder instead of the more ‘work’ focused ones that an earlier me might have chosen. I was encouraged to constantly think ‘what if…’ which led to things like singing in the talent show through to choosing naps over schedules. Did I figure out who I am? Surprisingly, I did….or I remembered at least. I attended a workshop on ‘wonder’ where we were encouraged to think of a time in childhood when we felt a pure sense of wonder, to write down three words describing that child, and then to be that child for 2 minutes. How freeing it was! My words were curious, playful, and rebellious. It was then that I realised, or more remembered, that THIS is me and all I need to be. I am those three words. I can now lead my life asking myself ‘what if I was curious, playful and rebellious in this moment?’….and then going out and doing it. The great thing is that those three words are who I want to be both as a parent and in the rest of my life. They are the SAME. *ping!*
So, do you need to run away for a week, to pay for a camp, or hop on an airplane? Maybe, maybe not….but either way, as a parent you DO need to create space for yourself to be, to grow, to develop. Would I have gotten the same realisation through a different type of escape? Maybe! We are so lucky to have these little ones and the opportunity for growth that they present us with but the growing part won’t happen (at least not peacefully!) without giving it and ourselves space. So, how do you give yourself space each day, week, month, year? What are your small ways to re-claim some space? Or your big dreams of space?
….and what is stopping you? What will happen if you do it? At the end of the day I thought to myself, nobody will die if I go away for a week…and actually, it is a gift to my daughter to get to know her dad better, and for him too. Whether it’s a loving partner, a friend, or another family member, who can you ask to help in order to give you the space you need to grow?
