I live in Japan and in this country, most parents start solid food when their babies turn 4–5 months old, and feeding is done in a strict, almost-military fashion with precise timings, quantity and a must-do list of food to introduce every day of the week.
I have seen TV programs where Japanese mothers literally force puréed food they painstakingly prepared into their babies’ mouths and those poor little kids just kept crying and rejecting food by spitting them out. Imagine how pissed off you would feel if you had someone forcing food that you didn’t feel like having for that day down your throat. That’s probably a hundred times more of an emotional affair for a baby!
I have also seen many Japanese moms on my Instagram feed documenting how many spoons of purée they give their baby every day, and on some days when the food gets rejected, these moms blame themselves for “not doing a good job” in their daily baby care routine. That’s being a little too hard on themselves, isn’t it?
I can still remember being fed soft puréed food and crying a lot when I was young, and dreaded the thought of having to feed my little one in the same way. Not sure if that had an effect on me as an adult but I still don’t really have a thing for food and sometimes skip meals because I hate to spend my time on dining. I eat to live and can’t imagine why anyone would live to eat. It’s only after marrying my husband that I started enjoying meal times because he loves cooking, talking about food and we have interesting conversations at the dinner table every day.
Hoping that my baby doesn’t end up hating food like her mom did, I decided I had to be a little careful when introducing solid food. That was when I Googled, “how to avoid hating food since childhood” that I chanced upon the idea of Baby-led Weaning (BLW). It appealed to me so much because of its key principle of letting the baby be in charge of his/her own food, while mommy makes no plea to “please have another bite” while sticking the spoon into the baby’s mouth.
When my baby turned 5 months old and everyone around me was already starting solids, I was not at all prepared to have to deal with food and was happy with just breastfeeding. I was even thinking of solely breastfeeding till my baby turns one year old and just waiting till the day she decides to eat something (which I thought would probably happen when she’s 8 or 9 months old?)
However, my baby was 6 months old when she started taking a strong interest in food, showing cues of wanting to participate in family dining during meal times. It all started when I accidentally dropped my avocado and my baby reached out to put it in her mouth. Nice, that’s probably what they mean by being in-charge, perhaps? I placed food in front of her during our dinner while I made no effort of forcing anything near her face. My baby observed while my husband and I ate, and eventually started putting food in her own mouth.
In less than 2 weeks, she became a little champ in grasping food with her hands and scooping with her little wooden spoon (also another accidental skill discovery after I used it as a teething soother and soon she knew how to hold it while watching adults at the dinner table). Unwittingly and naturally, this whole food journey began. She started eating bananas, strawberries, bread, tofu, apples, avocados, oatmeal, carrots, broccoli, potatoes — all in wholes and not mashed.
Although we are only 3 months into this, here are some of the little things I’ve learnt so far:
- When you let babies take charge in feeding themselves, they focus hard on getting food in their mouths. I personally think that’s good training for developing concentration and stretching out attention span in kids. My doctor once told me that spoon-fed babies only have a ten-minute attention span. Most parents rush through their meals just so as to keep their babies in the mood for their food. However, with baby-led weaning, my little one spends 30–40 minutes on her meals- observing, touching, tasting, eating and enjoying her food. Sometimes, she’s still exploring her food while we, adults, have already finish our meals.
- Baby-led weaning kids LOVE their food! My little one loves her meal times so much that although she usually hates to sit down in prams, car seats, or anything that requires her to be strapped in, she always flaps her arms in joy and excitement whenever we place her in her dining high-chair. She smiles and is extremely happy whenever she sees food in front of her. I have seen many spoon-fed kids who hate to sit down at meal times and they need to be kept occupied with iPads (which I personally do not approve of but that’s another story altogether) or are running around while their mothers look exasperated trying to go after them with spoonfuls of food. Not sure if that’s a good thing for teaching kids table manners?
- Babies get to participate during meal times — they eat while you eat. As part of BLW, food doesn’t need to be puréed and babies learn to grip finger foods from the start. This means no spoon-feeding and moms & dads can also eat while baby’s eating! No extra time spent on feeding baby and then getting all tired before you get to touch your own (already-turned-cold) food. And since the baby gets to participate at the table, the baby learns good eating habits by watching everyone else (that’s when I get self-conscious if I speak while chewing lol!)
- Building good table manners. Baby probably picks up on when to speak, eat and clean up from looking at how adults do it at the table. In Japan, as part of good table manners, at the beginning of a meal we clap and say “Itadakimasu” (expression of gratitude for having food on the table) and at the end, “Gochisousamadeshita” (thank you for the meal). We make it a point to do it together with our baby and recently, our little 6-month-old has been able to acknowledge it whenever we start and end our meals by hitting her meal tray with her hands to make the clapping sound (since she’s not able to clap yet). I personally always also make it imperative to clean up while my baby’s at her table to show her how we clean up after ourselves after eating. I certainly hope that she’ll be able to clean up after herself some day when she grows bigger!
- Babies learn to control when they’ve had enough. Giving babies the autonomy of deciding when they are full and done with their meals is respecting them as a whole person, no matter how little they may be. It also teaches them how to control their own bodies, even their feeling of hunger. It’s the same concept as breastfeeding — baby stops drinking when they’re done and that’s an instinctive skill, isn’t it?
- Time saver! Although one might argue that cleaning up the mess after a baby-led meal takes a lot more effort that purée-feeding, I personally think that the time taken to cook, steam, blend, pack, freeze, defrost, reheat is a lot more than just wiping up the table & floor! And I’m a major clean-freak but I’d rather a messy floor than a whole lot of time spent on making purée!
- It’s a tonne of fun! While I always hear other mothers fret over the stress and how it takes a toll on their patience when feeding solids to their babies, I honestly have been enjoying how my baby explores food so much (good for their sensory development too!) that I look forward to rushing home after work to enjoy family meal times more than ever!
- There will be times when your baby doesn’t know how to swallow that chunk of food. I guess this was what freaked my doctor out when I told her I have been giving food in whole portions, and she kept telling me that I’m endangering my child. Fact is, do your research, learn some first aid and trust your instincts. Your baby will learn to deal with it, just like how we all eventually did it as we grew up. So far, there have been 2 instances when my baby looked like she was almost choking but I stayed calm, picked her up, flipped her over and pat her back till the food came back up her mouth. She was happy again and continued eating. Instead of feeling traumatized I guess she was proud of herself for getting over it. It certainly gives her a great sense of achievement to be able to do things by herself. I once saw a documentary about how babies pick up new skills by doing things as much as they can themselves. Adults guide, they follow and try it. If adults end up doing things for them, babies get even more frustrated. They stress out, fuss and never want to do it again (and parents end up having to do everything for them as a result!)
All in all, baby-led weaning is all about chilling out and letting food be a subject of exploration for mom and baby. Just trust your baby’s instinctive need for independence and it’ll all happen pretty naturally.
