About Us: Drinkwel Multivitamin

As the saying goes, “Necessity is the mother of all invention.” Sure, one could argue that getting drunk isn’t a real necessity. But if you’re anything like me, living life in the fast lane — and by that I mean you also drive a steady 15 miles per hour in light traffic in a 1996 Toyota Corolla — then it was only a matter of time before a multivitamin that combats hangovers was created by me.

Affordable. Reliable. Low gas mileage. Yes, I’m talking about myself here.

You see, I’m a successful ad exec at my own advertising agency called Baboon Sunshine Solutions. In order for me to win over potential clients, I must wine and dine them until, as the saying goes, “…the cows come home and they’ve passed out from too much booze.” At one point in my life I was able to hold my liquor — specifically between the ages of 21 and 21 and one-twelfth when I attended my first and last fraternity party and did a keg stand for the first and last time. But it’s like that old Irish saying, “May the road rise up to meet you.” Nowadays, whenever I take NyQuil for a cold, I wake up 82 hours later — and 50 of those hours my heart stops. Alcohol and I don’t mix anymore.

Also whenever I take more than two teaspoons of NyQuil without watering it down.

Leaving Baboon Sunshine Solutions was not an option — I love my job and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else. At a loss, I went to see my trusty fortune teller Skippy III, who also happens to own and operate the car wash that I frequent. Skippy III has never failed me in the past decade since we met. It was she who suggested that I name my company Baboon Sunshine Solutions after her pet baboon Sunshine, who also happens to operate the cash register at the car wash and flings its feces at clients who refuse to pay. Skippy III said that because I had become like a daughter to her, I would be privy to the ancient secret ingredients that she uses everyday to stay young, eliminate flat feet syndrome, capable of digesting dairy, and never hungover. Unfortunately, only one person in the world can ever know of the ancient secret ingredients, so as she handed the list to me, Skippy collapsed in a heap on the floor, dead as, as the old Guatemalan proverb goes, “…a doorknob.” It was only later that I learned that I had been bequeathed the baboon.

With my newfound secret weapon to combat hangovers, I immediately went to work putting it into pill form and began selling it to the masses as Drinkwel Multivitamin, making sure to disguise the real list of ancient secret ingredients with decoy ones. As you can imagine, it’s been quite successful. With Drinkwel as my secret weapon, I can continue my job as an accomplished ad exec without worrying about waking up the next morning hungover. And for any of you wondering, yes, the baboon still works the register at the car wash. As the old Arkansas saying goes, “You can lead a monkey to water, but you can’t make it scratch it’s uncle’s back.”

And birthplace of a surprising number of sayings about monkeys.

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This “About Us” is fake, but Drinkwel is a real multivitamin that helps prevent and lessen the nasty side-effects of a hangover. I hear it really works!

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