CPTA Making Room for Your Personal Transportation on Public Transportation

The Chicago Public Transportation Authority announced that it will begin making improvements on subway cars by ripping out seats to make way for the city’s elitist Transportati who bring their own transportation on public transportation. “We saw an increase in commuters who rode their Dyson vacuum cleaners to work and needed the additional space on the subway cars,” said CPTA Chairman Don Bottz III. By year’s end, the CPTA is also looking to add on a separate subway car altogether for those Transportati who take their child’s race car bed to work. “Many of our commuters expressed an interest in taking up as much space as possible on the trains,” said Mayor Drano, calling from his steamroller phone at the 67th Street Subway Station. One Transportati, John DiKeup from the Gold Goat neighborhood, voiced his approval of the proposed plans, but would like to see even more improvements made. “In really nice weather, me and all my friends like riding our portable Irish pub carts to work. I really love getting annihilated every morning, but it’s so annoying when I’m hassled by some commuter sitting in a seat, complaining that the tap is leaking.” Mr. Dikeup plans to take this matter up at the next CPTA city meeting.