do i choose the god who let me go

or the life devoid of any hope?

do i stand for things that do not seem true

or let go of thoughts that have no proof?

do i endure the pain for no known cause

or live with no acknowledgement of my flaws?

do i continue to beg god to show his face

or forget his word and dismiss his grace?

do i rest on god’s promise that i will be healed

or repress my past and keep it concealed?

do i adopt the way god sees who i am

or continue being used by any willing man?

is he real and my heart just hard

or was i fooled and my mind not on guard?

is his love rich and satisfying

or is it better to place my hope in dying?

is he controlling this life i lead

or are his words simply a book to read?

is joy springing from love and sanctification

or is it a choice based on cultural obligation?

is my value inherent because of my father

or do i earn it, perform, or not even bother?

life is a blessing

life is a phase

life is for living

number your days

people are forgiven

people just hurt

people have purpose

love doesn’t work

will my cries be heard after years of asking

or will god be silent and my emotions require masking?

will i be shown reasons for my abusive past

or will it keep my days afraid and downcast?

will my nightmares end and tears subside

or will my request for peace be forever denied?

will i experience freedom from my wounds and hurts

or be a desperate slave who is overworked?

will i find energy and strength to keep on thriving

or will my heart give out and i stop surviving?

god is love

god forgets

god is enough

god upsets.

Originally published at on July 9, 2017.