Legacy, I want one.
Something is wrong with me. I am not sure what it is. I’ve had this overwhelming sadness over the past 2 days and almost an anxiety. Work has been crazy busy but that is not it. I think it’s the book I am listening too. Recommend by my trainer Mike Vacanti. I had just finished reading The Four Agreements (which was great check it out). I prefer to read vs listen to books but I decided to listen to Shoe Dog by Phil Knight, Founder of Nike. Because I needed a new book and it came highly recommended.
It’s about an 8 hour listen and the past two weeks I have been traveling and commuting long distances for work which has allowed me to listen more often than I normally would. I am about half way there. The story thus far is captivating, a real page turner. (not really relevant when listening but you know what I mean) But I think my unrest is coming from listening. I don’t want to spoil any part of the book but it has invoked serious emotion in me.
It’s inspiring. I believe the emotion could be any of the following things:
I want a legacy and I am not sure I am capable of it and that scares the shit out of me.
What am I doing?
What if it’s too late?
What if I am too old?
What do I REALLY want?
Most importantly, what if I cannot do it once I have it all figured out?
I know the answer is doing the work. I am. There are distractions, no not tv or wine, just life. I have several projects in motion, but why do I feel like I might be suffocating? I am not a clock watching 9–5 ‘er. Never have been, I am the one that had multiple jobs at once and only working in startup situations any other work environment and I’d be dead on the inside.
I am not sure I’ll be an entrepreneur or have a legacy but I am for sure going to try. Because as Phil says in the book, “if you’re not growing your dead”
Maybe it’s the 5 hours of sleep I got last night, all I know is my head is spinning today and last night too. Maybe this is some sort of sign, that I need to make what I want to happen and adjust the timeline.
Patience is the name of the game, but I think I’ve been distracted with what I thought would solve that burning pit in my stomach (a master’s degree, a higher role in a company) but it’s not working.
I am going to keep pushing forward as Phil does in this book and you should too. Trust your gut.
Mine is for sure telling me something…and I am going to trust it.
Let me know what you think, am I cra-cra, maybe…let me know below. Have you ever had moments like this?
Thanks for reading this random rant.