I live in a small town. Nothing ever happens here. But there was one time, years ago, when something happened that changed how I look at my small, quiet town. …

In 5 minutes you’ll hear a knock at the door, and when you open it, a tiny man with elephant ears and four pairs of long spindly arms with pincer-like fingers will be standing there, and politely ask you if he can come in. …

Surprise, I’m the Hiccups, bitch!!! Don’t you love surprises?? Who cares, I do! What’re you doing? Whatcha up to? WYD? How about now? Eyooo? What’re you up to, old chap? Ho, there! Hullo! Ooh, chugging a liter of water while holding your breath? You’re doing it wrong, silly, let me…