10 Examples of Messages You Shouldn’t Send Late At Night, But Will

1.) Sup?

Nothing is wrong with this, when received during the day time, but when sent at 4:30am, we all know what that means. This can only mean one thing and it’s not actually saying hello, or what’s up? It’s asking you, if you are also horny, still awake and DTF.

2.) A Picture of Boobs, Dick, Ass, (I’ve received a few from men jacking off)

We all know that we shouldn’t send these. We know it, and yet 2:00am rolls around and we’re horny and maybe we miss our exes, and we think, “You know what will get him back?” I’ll send him a picture of my boobs. That will make him respect me and love me again. This works literally, never, but it does get you laid. Or we just think, god, I have nothing better to do then send a girl a picture of my dick. I haven’t said much, but I feel like, “Sup?” is a good opener for my dick. Just to be safe I’ll send it to like five girls.

3.) Do not send a bunch of weird messages to dudes on hinge, just to see what the response will be.

Maybe I’m the only one that does this, but I’m at work and I’m bored, so I figure, I’ll just shoot off some weird messages to men I don’t know. I’m going to assume it’s the same for men, because I know I’ve gotten some really lovely messages, but I have to wonder what these people are like in real life.

4.) Do Not Drunk Call Your Ex

I know, you think, I really have the perfect thing to say, and I’m not that drunk, but even if I am, I’m still drunk so I can pretend it didn’t happen, but you can’t. It went to voicemail. You left that message, and it’s forever. Even if they do answer and you go over, do you really think things will end up any better?

5.) Don’t write an angry instagram rant to questlove when drunk

Sure. You’re angry because you went out to dance and you weren’t happy with the music, so you write an angry rant to Questlove, about his BowlTrain set, but just like the love letter you tweeted to Rider Strong, you don’t actually expect a response, but you get one. OH YOU GET ONE.

6.) Don’t right a facebook manifesto about your job, and post it, and pass out before really thinking about it.

Yeah, at the time it seemed like a good idea. Like Jerry Maguire, it was a mission statement, but then suddenly, it’s not anymore — and you try to delete it, but it’s too late.

7.) Don’t text while we’re hormonal

This one is tricky, because we don’t always know it’s that wacky day before our period, or after and then it’s like, you just sent some weird shit and there’s no coming back from that…but maybe we should get a pop-up notification that says, “Don’t text anything!” and like a werewolf, lock ourselves in a room for five to seven days or until it’s safe. Five the same app to our boyfriends, but theirs just says, “be careful what you say, also, it’s blow job week.”

8.) Do not send the fake miss-text

I know, we like that guy or girl and we want them to talk to us, but everyone knows that miss-text is bullshit. With that said, do what you gotta do.

9.) Don’t send back and fourth messages that go from angry, to happy, to angry.

Look, texting is a bitch, and we all have weird moments with people, but trust me when I say they won’t be fixed when you send everything you’re thinking. I know, I’ve done this, it made everything so much worse. The worst part was, texting comes off so much more angry than you might be, so just wait and chill, go out with friends and when you get back to that truly chill place, then address whatever it is that’s bothering you, but on the phone or in person, because texting really does ruin everything.

10.) Sexting isn’t a relationship

Don’t dirty talk all day, you have better things to do. Talking about sex isn’t having sex and it’s also not actually hanging out. Texting is to organize hanging out, you don’t need to have full blown talks, let alone full blown dirty talks. Dirty talk is cheap, make them actually come and hang out. I say this as a woman that blew her dirty talking load and now is happy to never talk dirty again.