Rough day

The past week has been a hard one. I’ve been trying really hard not to let my depression get the best of me. Saturday I had a bad migraine. I also did on Tuesday and Wednesday.

These migraines made me reconsider what I had said regarding my inpatient stay at MHNI, Michigan Head Pain and Neurological Institute. Earlier, I really fought going into the hospital. I really did. It was too big, too scary.

Well, I’m still scared. But I’m more scared of not getting pain relief. I’m more scared of living my life in pain with no hope of getting better. I sent them a message, letting them know I made my decision.

I have no idea if they’ll get the message or not. I have no idea if they’ll call me back or not. I scheduled my MRI for early next week. They’ll be scanning my head and my neck. It’s early in the morning for me, but maybe, just maybe there is hope.

My mom thinks that because of my depression and anxiety, I’m not mentally strong enough to go up there alone. Because the doctors might be jerks and I might not be strong enough to fight them on treatment.

Of course, I’m still scared. Going up to be put into a hospital is a big scary thing. And it feels like failure, because the last two times I was in the hospital were for mental health and I’m still ashamed of that. And I hate that I’m ashamed of that.

I just have to remind myself that I’ll make it through. One step at a time.