Most of our stuff is unpacked now. I unpacked the kitchen, which wasn’t as anxiety inducing as I thought it would be. My room was by far the easiest to unpack, probably because I have the fewest things. I still have to do my closet, which I think will be difficult because I kind of shoved everything into my suitcases and into bags and boxes because I was anxious and wanted to get as much into boxes and bags as I could before I went into the hospital the first time. I did this so that my boyfriend wouldn’t have to worry about packing my stuff.

But now I have to unpack it. Which makes me feel a little dumb. Because my packing strategy was flawed.

Next time we move, it will probably be to another state. No offense, Indiana, but you’re writing some laws that are a bit scary to me right now. You’ve always been conservative, and I can’t fault you for that. You’ve been conservative for a long time. But it is difficult to live in Indiana when you are a polyamorous, LGBTQIA ally. You can choose to live in the closet, which I don’t do, because living an authentic life is important to me and I just do not have the spoons for all the lies that living in the closet would entail. Also because if I am in the closet, my partners have to be too. And that’s hard. It’s really hard when you have to have an agreed upon story of “she’s his sister/friend/cousin/whatever” when you really just want to say “She’s also his lover, and she’s my best friend.”

Granted, right now both my partner and I are poly-single, so there isn’t that issue. But when we both start dating again, it could happen, and I don’t want to put anyone through anything that might make them feel like they are secondary. It’s why I am not a big fan of the primary/secondary dynamic. It’s cool if the relationships work that way. Like, if one pair shares finances and living arrangements and the other pair only sees each other casually, then that dynamic makes sense. But if it is a poly family, where all people involved are tied deeply together? That sort of dynamic can be deeply isolating and hurtful.

Anyway, that’s my little rant, and I need to go sort out my closet now, because if I don’t, I will soon be naked, and despite what my boyfriend says, that isn’t something that people really need to see.

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