Invalidated

Why Am I So Depressed? I Have a Nice Family, a Good House, Good Friends, a Good Environment, Etc. I Have No Reason to Be Sad but I Am. What’s Wrong with Me?

You invalidate your feelings.

Feelings aren’t right or wrong.

They just are.

If you’re depressed, you’re depressed.

If you’re sad, you’re sad.

The fact that you think you need a reason to be sad means you’re not taking your feelings at face value.

I would wonder what else you’re not taking at face value.

You have a “nice” family. You have a “good” house. You have “good” friends and a “good” environment.

Do you find these things satisfying?

Is it only because you think you should?

Depression is sometimes called anger turned inward. This means you acknowledge your anger for a moment and then —

Turn it back around on yourself.

Which means you get angry at yourself —

For getting angry.

You tell yourself you shouldn’t feel it. That your anger isn’t —

Right.

Or justified.

I don’t love my wife → I should love my wife → I have a nice wife

I hate my job → I should love my job → I have a good job

I’m unhappy → I should be happy → I am happy

But you’re not.

Because I should be grateful.

Isn’t the same as —

I am grateful.

Even if you’re trying to tell yourself —

It is.

So, examine whether you’re being authentic.

And if what you’re telling yourself is “good.”

Is good —

To you.

Or whether you’re just telling yourself it should be.

This article originally appeared on Quora.