I go to bed every night hoping to see your good night text. When I don’t see it, I struggle to sleep at night… when I do see it, even if it’s just a message from you, I go to bed in peace, but I wake up every morning hoping to see your good morning text… even though I know you won’t be sending them anymore.
It’s been a week since you broke up with me. It’s been a weeks since I last heard your voice. It’s been a week week since I last felt your warm embrace, your kisses. I know the day you decided to break the news to me you were a little distant… I thought you were tired, because you told me you were sore and we left the beach the night before late… in bad terms.
I miss you…but I miss hearing you the most. I know we won’t be back to the same way we use to be. Something of us changed, hopefully for the better. I know it must have been hard to let me go, but I been having a harder time letting you go.
When I think I’ve finally moved on, happy and good, there’s always a trigger to make me remind me of you. Every day is a battle, I understand that now. Every day, I have to conquer a new emotion I haven’t dealt with.
Yesterday, I gave you your things back along with a letter explaining what I was going through when we couldn’t talk. As much as I hope you read it, I know I have no control over it. I gave you back things that you gave me… and I’m feel so sorry, but I want you to know that it hurts me to see them because it only reminds me of the love you let go.
I know I have a future ahead of me. I know that everything happens for a reason. But it’s hard to admit them in a moment of weekness. I know you had your reasons to let me go and it hurt me because you were the one who had said that you didn’t think you could love someone else. Now I think I can’t love someone else. Not like how I loved you. You took a piece of my heart when you left and every day I’m trying to live with that void. Evey time I see a ripe banana, I think about your beloved banana bread. Every time I hear classical music, I think of our trips together in you green 1992 Honda Civic listening to KUSC, on the way to school or on the way to a screening. Everytime we have dinner, I think about when you would come over or when I would eat with you. Everytime I feel lonely, I think about how you held me in my weakest moments. Everytime I go to bed, I remember the nights you slept next to me, how I felt your warmth even though I wasn’t laying on you. Everytime I remember something about you, I miss you and I know I can’t do anything about it. And that’s when I need to overcome. I can’t forget our 2 years together, because that would be forgeting 2 years of my life. But I need to realize I have to live the rest of my life without you, after thinking I would only be with you.