There are no words to describe how two-faced one could be. It’s human nature I suppose, it’s all the goodness and evilness, virtues and flaws blended in one being, that makes us human, or even, beautifully flawed. However today the concept wavered in my mind, it trembles at the cold winds of hypocrisy and deception that sent shivers to my spine, it led me to question the truth of humanity. It was the smile and the pride that confront me so fearlessly even though I knew she’s lying the moment her wicked eyes beamed at mine.

All my life I’ve been fighting the urge of being anything close to a two-faced monster. The thought of it is frightening, the thought me of conforming to the lies of the society and deteriorating into the embodiment of feeling good at the cost of the unhappiness of others. Yet I can’t judge, I really can’t. I couldn’t deny there were times when I showed my weakness and let the dark thoughts win over my consciousness. After all I’m a teenager and those thoughtless and reckless actions were the epitome of my outrageous hormones and trademark #rebellion teenagehood I’ve been going through. Those are my curves and edges. I’ve been doing a great job at escaping from duties, slacking off, not showing up, one-sidedly breaking off promises and just simply lying. ‘Being sick’ was just a smarter excuse than ‘my dog ate my homework’ for skiving and a million more lies we’ve known all too well when our more than intelligent mind should be creating and acquiring knowledge rather than making up useless excuses. Though I’m guilty for being the worst possible procrastinator and excuse-maker I never do anything bad at anyone’s expense. At least not consciously.

The worst mistake I’ve ever made in life was either returning home at 6am in the morning or causing one big drama in my group of friends but that was all because of a misunderstanding larger than an elephant’s appetite. I stayed out all night because I wanted to have more fun; I skived school today because I wanted to finish that goddamn drama with way too many cliff-hangers. I said you look cute in that dress, just because I wanted you to feel good. At first I thought all those white lies were absolutely harmless or even beneficial since I got what I wanted from lying, and nobody’s getting hurt. But what I figured along the years that despite the colour or nature of the lie, as long as it’s not the truth, it’d still hurt. Everything is cause-and-effect, every action leads to one consequence or another, either on our own cost or others’. It’s called the butterfly effect. A tiny ripple might change the whole course of the universe and create a completely alternate future. The idea is mind-blowingly terrifying and the way I interpret it, it seems to suggest that a wrong turn might result in an unexpected car accident and a lost soul; and a missed call might push someone down the building. Even an overheard whisper might drown someone so deep-to their own graves. We as humans were taught we’re not that special as we learn somewhere out there we got another replicate with the same name, same habit, same job and same dream as ours. However what we underestimated ourselves was the effect we could have on other people. As depressing as we wanted to admit, humans are social animals and are greatly, either consciously or subconsciously, influenced by other people. So one false rumour could kill one’s life and vice versa even the subtlest smile could save another.

We’re more powerful than we think we might be. But power could be both creative or destructive. What’s depressing about humans were there were ones who chose to turn away from the light of goodness and step into the misleading paths in life scattered with thorns and spikes. Of course, there’re no being that’s entirely soaked up with evilness, just like the symbol of ‘yin-yang’ there’d always be a tiny spot of pureness containing inside a being, however small and subtle it might be. These people might be masked with angelic features and voices as sweet as the first song of a hummingbird, their lying skills might even advance to the level where their eyes don’t quiver anymore and their voices don’t shake. And they’re living among us, patting our backs and complimenting what a sweet person you are, what you’d never know was the second you turn away a cold blade would stab through your heart and make you lose all your trust on people. But the world ain’t a wish-granting factory (thank you John Green), as much as we despise and detest two-faced bitches and assholes do exist. People pull down others to make themselves feel better. The cliché strikes again. They perform little acts of wickedness just because they couldn’t do any better, the only thing they’re capable to do was to spread lies and kiss asses. They don’t have God inside them. That’s the why.

There are only three type of people in the world-the ones who care so much about you, the ones who wish you’d die in tongues of fire and the ones who don’t give a fuck about you. Every sin and goodness we executed in life birth our near or distant future in group the people around us into the pits of the three parties. And it’s up to you to decide whether you want more people to fall in the pit who curse you to death or the other way round. Whether we speak the truth or spread lies we really, have no control of which of the three pits the people would choose to fall. So if both lies and truths weight the same, why not choose the latter? Be noble. Speak the truth. And yet the truth was rarely pure and never simple.