Hating and loving these trips.
Well, I’m here, and it seems like I should write. I’ve written in my private journal, but sometimes it just feels weird writing here. All the time I hear people sharing comments with me about how brave they think I am, but the truth of the matter is that I am actually not brave at all. I actually hate sharing my thoughts, because it opens me up to something, and it’s something I don’t like. Criticism.
I actually really wish for an easy life, one where everybody is happy with me and I get a lollipop and drink soda everyday. That’s why it’d really be easier for me to just go to sleep right now instead of sharing this, but I guess I will, because I was created for a purpose and I have come to acknowledge that part of that purpose is to be criticized. And that’s ok.
I hate mission trips. Now, you may really be mad at me for saying this, but let me have my selfish way with words, then you can call me out in the comments. I hate mission trips because they basically take every bad trait I have and put it on a platter for the people I am with to see for a week or so.
It is true. I actually have issues! You may think that I am perfect. If you do, I probably think you are the best person ever, but I really think you ought to come with me to Sri Lanka for a week and a half, then say so. Yes, I do think you would steer clear of me afterwards. Maybe be a bit sad with life because your great hero is a human. I’m sorry. It’s true.
It amazes me though how that we can go on these trips thinking of adventure and saving the world and all this, but fail to realize beforehand how much God may actually humble us in the process. Another thing that amazes me is how many people live through life actually believing the crap their mind and others say about them. There are so many people who think they are actually basically good. You think that you are awesome. I actually do too! I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why there are not more people in the world like me. The world would be so much nicer, right?
Um, no. Actually, we are not great people. We are a human. When we get honest with ourself, we will realize how sinful we actually are.
Now I don’t want to finish this post negatively, although I will be honest that the last couple weeks I’ve learned things about my heart that I wished wasn’t there. I think this is actually quite positive. The great thing is that God doesn’t take us places and show us things about ourselves without a purpose. It is actually His love that has showed me how much of that old man is in me still. But His love is also that which reveals this to me- I am not that old man anymore. My identity rests secure in the Work and Person of Christ. Nothing I do changes that. And in this truth I stand. This is humbling and this is why I can say it is well, even on a mission trip.
So, I love mission trips. They show me who I am, and how much I’m loved. I have a Father who loves me enough to bring me to a place where I depend upon Him, and that is awesome.