A birthday wish — How to care for the environment and keep your family happy.
So you’ve been trying to reduce your impact on the environment for years and finally you’re going for it.
You’re going zero-waste.
You’re looking for eco-friendly products so that you have less impact on the environment (and your health)and you are on a mission!
Time flies by when you’re having fun and before you know it, it’s your birthday again! Hurrah! You get lots of beautiful gifts, all wrapped in pristine paper and then a box, and then a plastic thing inside another plastic thing.
You love the presents, the attention, and finally you have socks with no holes in them…but something’s not right. This isn’t you anymore.
All this, stuff!
You stop for a moment, look up as you’re unwrapping your parcels and see…
…
Mum: Well? Do you like it?!!If it’s the wrong colour I can change it…
You:No! Thank you!!! I love it!!!
Mum: Oh OK you just looked at it in a funny way…
And so it goes. You gracefully accept all your gifts and at the same time you feel guilt. Guilt because you’re breaking your rules. Guilt because you feel like an ungrateful little brat. Guilt because you feel like a snob. Guilt because you’re not being 100% honest with your loved ones.
You almost feel ashamed of having “gone green” because you’re going against the current. Because you’re changing, and they’re not.
Why is it so difficult to tell your family how you feel?
Why do we feel such shame and guilt in the face of our most loved ones, yet we’re all feisty and activist in our social media alter-ego or when we meet new people?
Here’s why.
When you say: “I want change”, they hear: “You’ve been doing it wrong.”
It’s OK. You’re not doing the wrong thing by gracefully accepting and enjoying your gifts. Somone has carefully and lovingly chosen something that they think you’ll love, and possibly paid quite a bit for it. And they’ve done it despite the one hundred million other things on their to-do list.
They put you first, and for that you’re grateful. So please, show them, tell them and celebrate it with them.
Present-in-hand is not the moment to start lecturing anybody about the importance of reducing their impact on the environment. In fact, lecturing never was the best way to get people on board.
But now that you’re there and you’ve understood that you have changed, let’s look at what you can do to let your family know what you want and who you’ve become.
Without offending them.
1. Lead by example
Next time it’s somebody’s birthday, take the time to make them something or bake them something. Give them an experience like tickets to the cinema or to a concert. Put together a photo album with captions. Take a cutting of their favourite plant from your garden and give it to them in a nice second-hand plant pot.
2. Acknowledge what part they’ve played
I recently re-posted this on Facebook because I though it was hilarious, and also exactly what my Dad was like when I was a child. OK still is. I realised when I watched it that I have a lot to thank him for as an aspiring zero-waster.
In the build-up to your new-found passion, you’ve been through many stages and been influenced by lots of people. Most likely your loved ones have at some point planted a seed. Identify those seeds. Remind that person and thank that person.
3. Don’t make your close ones feel bad for their choices
Most of us have become aware of our choices in a stepwise manner. Especially when it comes to our consumption and the environment. Think back to how you spent your last summer or birthday. Or maybe the one before that. You can probably identify a load of awful purchases and cringe at your past self. Well, it really wasn’t that long ago.
Raise awareness, without being pushy. It’s not fair to judge somebody because they’re a year or two away from the stage you’re at now. None of us are that good, we just happen to find ourselves where we are now. Friends and circumstances have a lot more to do with things than active decision-making.
Keep doing what you’re doing and wait for people to bring things up. Then tell them what you think and why, plainly, without judgement. That’s usually enough.
All you have to do is sow a seed, and inform. By the way, before you “inform”, make sure you know what you’re saying has some truth to it. Check your own sources, before spreading it.
4. Inspire with your enthusiasm
We all like being around happy, inspiring, motivational people. Try to be one of those.
When you find a solution to a problem, such as where to buy chickpeas by weight, tell your friends and family. Tell them how excited you are about something so small. Tell them why you’re excited.
If you find a fantastic shop that sells all the most delicious fruit and vege and is happy with your weird net-bags, take your mum with you next time you go. It will eventually catch on. People talk. Many lives are monotonous. Give them something exciting to talk about!
5. Get your family involved
I recently made a Zero-Waste Meal Plan for my subscribers as a thank you gift for signing up. I’d almost finished, when my mind started to dry up. It had to be balanced, I already had enough soups and pulses in there and I wanted meals that could easily be veganised.
My Mum was in the house so I just asked her. At first her suggestions didn’t fit my bill, but instead of politely thanking her and then ignoring them, I explained what I was trying to do. And guess what? She had tonnes of ideas! And she loved it, she just kept coming with more!
Next time I called her, she was sat with my Grandma drinking wine and brainstorming ideas for affiliate marketing for my future online shop they think I should have.
So now my Mum and Grandma feel part of the Zero Waste Movement, and they are.
6. When relevant discussions come up, listen and ask questions
We’re all selling something.
It doesn’t matter if you’re anti-consumerist, anti-capitalist, anti-carnivorist or pro-abortion rights.
If you talk for long enough, you’ll find yourself selling ideas, beliefs, your next-door neighbour’s avocados or whatever you feel other people should know about.
What’s the first rule in sales? Listen. Well in this case, listen to your family member and friend. Don’t sit there thinking about whay you want to say next, Just listen and visualise what they’re telling you.
What’s the second rule in sales? Ask questions. Find out what that person thinks and does and why she lives that way. Open those discussion channels and when the time is right, brainstorm with her. See if you can comeup woth solutions that work for them and for the future of mankind.
7. Tell them early and more than once what you want for your next birthday (or don’t want)
OK this one’s pretty basic but if you’ve forgotten to tell people that you don’t want plastic for your birthday then you can only blame yourself for the aftermath.
Tell them early on so they have time to digest the information and come up with a better option.
Don’t spring it upon your poor brother 2 days before your birthday. It might be too late, in which case you’ll offend him. It it’s not too late, you’ll stress him. So start a month before and keep it no frills:
“I’ve been thinking about my birthday, and I’d like something made of natural materials”
“I really don’t know what to do with all the packaging and wrapping paper after birthdays and Christmas. What do you do? Do you think it’s reasonable to ask people not to wrap your presents?”
“I really don’t like how when I order things from Amazon that will help me in my quest to Zero-Waste, they come in 3 layers of packaging! Maybe I should ask people not to order things from Amazon for me…”
8. Provide them with alternative gift ideas for you and your children
It’s hard enough already, coming up with a good gift. Making it difficult by saying you don’t want things puts the pressure on. You can potentially rub people up the wrong way.
Try coming up with some suggestions to make it easy for everybody. Making memories is what you’re aiming for.
You could ask for:
- A camping trip.
- Your/their favourite food.
- Tickets to a play/concert or a museum.
- A day out in nature with that person.
- Babysitting so you can relax on the beach for a few hours or go and do your favourite sport.
- Vintage items/Antiques.
- Plants (live ones).
- A pair of extra hands for a day to help you dig or build something/start a project.
- A contribution towards your children’s savings account(s).
You probably have loads of things you wish you could do or had time to do. We tend to think of presents as material things but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Think outside the box and have an unforgettable next birthday!
OK enough from me. What ideas have you got for a) getting your family on board your new lifestyle b) Zero-waste gifts? Post them on this story on our Facebook page:
For more low and zero-waste ideas check out my book. It’s short and sweet and won’t leave you out of pocket!
Start Your Zero Waste Home is a book packed with ideas to reduce, reuse and recycle your household waste and save lots of money.
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