…pulling away, he automatically fears losing the relationship, although it is for different reasons. In order for the narcissist (or avoidant), to feel important, superior and desirable, he needs the pursuer. By withdrawing, this forces the pursuer to ramp up in behavior, ultimately making the narcissist feel that he or she is highly desirable and does not need to take any blame or criticism for the problems in the relationship.
Even with a slight or perceived change in the level of attentiveness, the codependent partner, who is already hypersensitive to any changes, senses the distance or the increasing disconnect. For this person, the relationship is everything, so fighting to hold onto it seems like the only op…