every February

Every February, the busy season starts. I make it through winter as a serene, mature, generous person and when February hits, I watch it all pull away from me like the tide, my fingers still cupped, but now empty. It makes me sad and angry to see it leave and know there is little I can do about it.

When work starts to pull me from both ends, I stop taking care of myself, I stop sleeping, I stop looking around for opportunities to give, and start looking for opportunities to take.

I start to take every advantage of free food, eat several desserts a day, because I think they’ll make me feel better.

I even look at people and begin to only see things I can consume. Do they have energy I want? Do they have a body I want? When I don’t even have time to take care of myself, I definitely don’t have anything to offer them. But I’ll take whatever I can grip my fingers around.

My patience also disappears. I expect something now and I want it now.

I become a wretched, greedy, entitled reptile.

Fuck stress and apologies if I am a dick to anyone in the next couple months.

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