Let me tell you about my day:

Today is cold.

Today I hurt.

Today my friend died… Except for the part that she died a month ago and I just found out today.

I was already cold and hurting before I found out, then I managed to hurt myself further trying to get contact information from an upstairs computer on a day I couldn't walk upstairs. Crawling worked, so I went with that.

The contact info has to be retrieved from an old phone backup file.

I found everything I wasn't looking for.

  • Pictures of documents she had me scan.
  • Pictures of younger years with her family.
  • Pictures of legal documents she was afraid of losing.
  • Pictures of her youngest son from from when we snuck a camera in the hospital.
  • Pictures from the family gathering at Thanksgiving.
  • Pictures of my friend, happy.

We don't think of dead people as happy. For a dead person, she looks pretty good. She's smiling in these pictures, alone and with others. Because I didn't see her die, this is my new reality. She died with that smile on her face in my head. It's a good thing.

And now I have to make some good happen with those pictures. I think her immediate family is going to want to have them if I could just get them off the computer. I know I want to print out at least one for myself.

We love you Rigat.

Be happy enough for all of us.