Talking to Men in 2020: Secrets Men’s Groups Use To Get Guys To Open Up

Men are conditioned to avoid showing vulnerability at all costs, so how can you get guys into a meaningful conversation?

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Most Guys Secretly Want Meaningful Conversations

Whether they admit it or not, every human being that walks the planet craves connection. We are hardwired to be close to others and to share the intimate details of our lives. This includes males.

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Folsom Prison men’s group

It’s More About Setting Than Topics

Everyone wants to know about the best men’s group topics. What I’ve observed is that topics don’t matter if there is an environment within the group of guys that discourages sharing.

  1. Start the conversations with someone who shares more than the average man: Again watching another man express himself without being judged as weak will help other men do the same. Start with someone who is more likely to share.
  2. 100% confidential: Men will do anything to avoid looking weak. Accordingly you must ensure that you are in a private space and that nothing is shared outside of the group. Without this a man will not share.
  3. Talk about going deeper in a cool way: Words like “vulnerability” and “sharing” actually scare men due to our conditioning and fear of judgement. Instead make it more approachable and casual. Instead of “It’s time to share vulnerably” you could try “Okay. Let’s talk about the real stuff!”
  4. Laughter: Guys don’t want a conversation that is 100% serious and heavy. It needs to feel fun too. Get them laughing! Bring lightness to their challenging situations and they’ll want to talk more.
  5. Exercise empathy: Everyone wants to have their experiences and feelings acknowledged and validated. So after a man shares you could say “That sounds difficult” or “I’m sorry you had to go through that”.
  6. Ask a lot of questions: Sometime you’ll need to drag a discussion out of a guy. Respond to his words with questions like “tell me more about that” or “what was the worst part for you?” to get them to open up further.

Create Conversational Momentum

To get a group of guys chatting is hard, but to get a group of guys to stop chatting is even harder!

  • The weather
  • World events
  • Health stuff
  • Hobbies
  • Local news

The Easiest Way To Get Guys Into “Real-Talk”

The reality is that launching into a heavier men’s group topics will just feel uncalibrated and forced.

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A guy advising another in a men’s group on the beach.
  • Wealth
  • Relationships
  • Business/finances
  • Or a specific ongoing challenge they are facing such as a divorce

Ask Better Questions

Updates are by far the best way to get guys into conversations in a group of men, but good questions are a good fallback.

  • “What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?”
  • “What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen in the last few years?”
  • “Thanks for sharing man. Tell me more about that!”
  • “What was the best/hardest part of that?”
  • “Can anyone else relate to that?”

What Are The Best Men’s Group Topics?

Even though it feels unnatural to present a specific topic to a group of guys, it can kick off a great conversation. What are the best men’s group topics?

  • Family Drama: Everyone has family and finds it challenging to manage it.
  • Emotional Intelligence: Most men were never taught about their emotions so they need to talk through it with others.
  • Work & Purpose: Lots of guys face challenges with work and life-purpose.
  • Personal finance: Everyone likes talking about money!
  • Vices & addictions: Porn, junk food, drugs, sex, booze, overworking and more.
  • Health: Nutrition, exercise, health challenges and more!

A Summary To Help You Get Started

There may be a lot to consider when it comes to encouraging conversation between men. That being said all of the above really boils down to the following four points:

  1. You must create the right environment for guys to openly share.
  2. Go around the circle giving updates to get things started.
  3. Then if nothing comes from the updates, feel free to suggest the most common men’s group topics from our list.

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