April 10, 2016 — Day 1

it me

I want to write more, and I’ve been avoiding it. There are so many things to distract me, like watching basketball, goofing off with friends, vegging out in front of the tv, etc. I’m going to try harder to get my ass in gear and put some shit down here. To motivate myself I’m going to try a project where I write a post every day for 40 days straight. I know I should have done this for lent or whatever, but its April 10th now, so I’m behind as always. Regardless, here we go, post 1 of 40.

Who knows what I’m going to write about for 40 days straight — I’m sure a lot of these posts are going to be stupid and boring and nobody is going to read them, but this is a project for me and not for you, so fuck off. I’ve got a few things going on in my life that I’ll probably write about, like current interests, thoughts about what’s going on in politics, Bucks draft pick ordering, who knows…

The biggest thing I’ve done recently is the trip I went on to Nicaragua for vacation. I definitely want to get some more stuff out there about that vacation and how I feel pretty weird about being a well-to-do white tourist in a developing country. Surprise, white people taking advantage of cheap vacations in developing countries is complicated and more than a bit problematic! Especially when you are an American and your country’s Marine Corps dragged the corpse of the founding father of the country through the streets behind a horse. And when your government has a long history of supporting right-wing movements at the expense of the the population’s democratic desires. So, when I’m not so wired on caffeine (seriously, had way too much today already) I’m going to try to collect some thoughts on going to Nicaragua. For now I just want to put it out there that its something I’m going to write about so that I actually have to do it.

That’s a big part of the reasoning behind this post…if I put it out there that I’m going to write every day for 40 days I kind of have to follow through, otherwise I’ll look lazy and flaky.

There are a lot of other things floating around in my head that I’m hoping to find the words to express here. I find myself in a bit of a strange place right now where it feels like a lot of things in my life are in flux, but maybe they aren’t? In the last year I’ve gotten married, seen so many friends get married, and apparently start a slower, more adult phase of their lives that I don’t feel especially prepared to join them in. I’ve been working for the same company for almost 5 years and feel remarkably comfortable in my position for maybe the first time in any job…is that a good thing or is it complacency? Many of my friends are on the cusp of turning 30 and seem to be a little nervous about it, but I’m still 27. I feel some of the anxiety about aging that they do, but I’m not quite staring down the barrel of my 30s yet — sometimes its an alienating feeling to see everyone around you in transition. There are basically two cohorts of friends that I don’t quite feel like I fit in with; one group is my age, married, holding down steady jobs, entering the smooth waters of adulthood (at least in outward appearances), while the group that’s older than me and facing down the end of their 20s is more focused on holding onto the fun and open possibilities that define being in your 20s. Somehow I don’t feel like a proper part of either side, I want to be a professional, successful adult, but I also want to hold onto that party animal, world-traveling side of myself and stave off the drudgery of a standard middle-class white guy existence. Obviously, feeling like you don’t know where you belong, feeling like your life is in transition or feeling too static, feeling uncertainty about the future is a pretty universal condition, but this is my blog, so suck it up and listen to me whine about myself.

I promise that not every post is going to be some screed about how hard or confusing it is to be a well off 27 year old white dude, I’ve got a lot of other stuff I want to write about beyond superficial details about my life. I’m still mulling things over, but I want to write some posts about the Raspberry Pi I built, other gadgets I’ve bought or want to buy, new rap music I’m listening to, movies, and the OJ Simpson tv show (seriously, its so good).

So to sum all this junk up, I want to write more and need to find a way to trick (force?) myself to follow through. Publicly declaring that I’m going to do it seems like a good way to try to force my own hand and encourage myself not to give up on this. Some of it will be introspective stuff that is largely boring and some of it will be about my interests. And most of it will be remarkably stupid and pointless, but its my life and my blog, so this is what you get.

Just one quick aside

I suspect a lot of this series will be written while listening to Kendrick Lamar’s untitled unmastered and Young Thug’s Slime Season 3. They are both so good, listen to them. Levitate levitate levitate levitate.

untitled unmastered

Slime Season 3

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