You Know it’s Over When…

Honestly, I don’t know how to start this thought. I guess I should just be honest. I started thinking about this while I was watching a soap. There was a point when this husband and wife were having an argument and he defended the other person. I don’t know if that makes sense, but maybe this will.

When you are in a relationship, everything is great at the beginning, then we start to feel comfortable and that’s nice. After awhile though, life happens and you’re not so thrilled with your partner anymore and your partner feels the same way. Is it inevitable? I hope not, but what I can say, is that you know, deep down in the pit of your stomach, you know absolutely, positively, that it’s over when your partner stops defending you. I don’t know about you, but that is the worst feeling. When that one person that had your back for so long, starts taking someone else’s side over you and actually defends that person and I don’t mean when the two of you are alone, I mean publicly. It is over.

I’ve always felt that the greatest thing about a relationship is the friendship, but now I think it’s the safety. You feel protected and you feel protective. Some don’t want to fall in love because it makes you vulnerable. Yes, it does, but it also gives you a kind of strength and confidence, because it is you and your partner, the one person that will always have your back. Defend you when you’re not there, and even if they disagree with you, they will never show that disagreement in public. By public, I don’t mean out in the street, I mean in front of other people, no matter where you are. You can disagree loudly when you two are alone, but in front of others, you are a united front. I honestly think that’s the way it should be and believe me if you don’t have that protected safe feeling in the beginning…get out! If the person you are with doesn’t protect you, and I don’t mean from the robber, I mean from people who would put you down or talk about you behind your back or try to humiliate you and your partner allows that person to do it. That’s a problem that will only get worse. If at least that is not there right from the beginning, you’ll never have it. To have that security is one of the best feelings in the world. And it is soul crushing when it’s gone.

I realize there are so many signs that a relationship is over and of course most of us know, we just ignore it. But really when you can sense that your partner is talking about you in a negative way or agreeing with that person that can’t stand you, well pack your bags and get out, because it’s just going to get worse.

I was going to say that you can also tell when your partner stops doing things for you just because, but that actually might just come with time and comfort. But still, it’s the little things that they don’t do anymore that can be a sign, or like I said it could just be time and comfort when they feel like they don’t have to impress you anymore. And okay, that’s reasonable, because with time in a relationship you don’t do all the little things you used to do as well, but there are still just things that you will do and your partner does, just because they know you and they want you to be happy, besides at that point the small things are the best things, and when even the small things are gone, you feel it and it’s heartbreaking. And I’m sorry but when it reaches that point there is no getting it back. You can try, but most of the time, there has been a shift and even if you don’t know when that shift happened it doesn’t matter because that ship has sailed whether you know when it happened or didn’t realize that it was happening, when you are at that point in your relationship, it is already over whether you like it or not. Whatever happened, it’s too late.

I think everyone goes into a relationship with high hopes, because who doesn’t want to be loved and protected. Who doesn’t want to feel special or needed? When you have that person, that one person who is with you all the way, that is the greatest feeling, it makes you feel strong and confident, like you can do anything. So I guess I’ll just say, keep an eye out, keep doing the little things. If you know what buttons to push, don’t do it, unless you want to be out of your relationship. They’re hard to maintain, but isn’t it worth it? I think it is. I think it’s something to work for and work on, because like I said, it’s devastating and heartbreaking, but when your partner stops protecting you and defending you, it’s over.