Your White Grandparent’s Annual Christmas Letter

These were wrapped in old newspapers 20 minutes ago

Hey Gang,

Well, what can we say. 2016 has truly been one of the shittiest years in my lifetime and I’m including when me and Barb were coming home from church that one day and a Toyota Tundra lost control and drove straight into the front porch and into our three kids (it will be 35 years this Christmas). This year was certainly overwhelming but we did make the best of it.

I am still singing at the church. We just had a Christmas Pageant last weekend and it was wonderful. Lots of lights and decorations. So pretty. Although, I did have a Freudian Slip when I sang, “Dick the Halls” instead of “Deck the Halls.” I was so embarrassed!!!! My cheeks lit up just like the taillights on the Honda. Yup, we still have the Honda! It’s got 200,000,000,000,000 miles on it and besides the ear-shattering noise it makes when it’s on, it runs great. We don’t go out much anymore because we are old and hate everyone, but it still gets the job done. I got a new laptop. It’s that one from that commercial Michael Phelps and that gay guy from that TV show that Barb watches. My old computer stopped working and I needed something to post cringe-worthy comments on my friends’ Facebook accounts and to send out some funny e-mails. PLEASE FORWARD THEM ALONG.

Our granddaughter, Lisa, is still in a coma. That makes it 20 years now. We are still praying.

Barb is doing a lot of knitting (and complaining) now that she has retired from the elementary school. She got a new pair of glasses last month and SHE LOVES THEM. They match her Sketchers Shape-Ups that I got her for Christmas last year. Although, we are still waiting for her butt to notice (haha). Barb changed her Sloppy Joe recipe! She now uses lean beef instead of ground beef. It makes a world of a difference. Let me know if you want the recipe, it’s perfect for Yankee Swamps and potluck dinners.

We volunteered at the Trump rally when the President swung by Springfield. He is the best. I can’t wait for what he has in store for the country. Lately, I have some seen some undesirables hanging around the Wawa. And actually a Muslim couple moved into the house down the street where Mrs. Pallentino used to live before her cat killed her in her sleep.

Our son, Guy, is still working at the department store. He says he thinks he might be getting promoted next year, but that is what he has been saying for the past 5 years!! Anyway, fingers crossed! They welcome their seventh baby in March! A Pisces!

Until next year!

Love,
Barb & Gary

Like what you read? Give Garrett Davis a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.