Untangling the web (snowball) of lies
Whether white lies, fabrication, half truths, bold-faced lies, lying in exaggeration and compulsive lying, it hurts to be on the other side. Being someone who has been on both sides of this, I have an idea of what I’m talking about.
However, you would expect someone who has been lied to, to understand what goes into it and never do it to someone else. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Why do we lie? I’m no psychologist so this is based on my personal experience and research. Personally, I lie to get myself out of a difficult situations or to avoid disappointing others. To find out more, I decided to ask a few people if they lie and why.
“I lie to protect the people I care about because I don’t want to disappoint them. Sometimes I lie out of cowardice and malice to misguide for own selfish interests.” MN.
“I don’t want to worry anyone, I do it to protect them.” GO.
“Mainly because I have discovered people have a way of jinxing exactly what I’m trying to do. So I lie to provide myself with space to do what I really want to do without so many eyes on me.” Kharioki.
“To protect myself and the other person. I lie to avoid confronting some truths about myself. ” LM.
From this and more, I gathered that people lie to get what they want, may it be protecting others or themselves, manipulating situations and people and avoiding their truths.
According to David J Ley Ph.D, there 6 major reasons people lie. To retain control, to avoid disappointing others, lies snowball (one lie leads to another lie to cover for the first one and so forth, creating a web). Some lie because according to them it’s not a lie and others because they want it to be true.
Lies are convinient since they do exactly what we want them to do, or get us what we want. However, the long term damage is worse. Most of the time, it catches up with us and the consequences aren’t as pretty. If you happen to be on the other side of the table, the ache and betrayal you feel is out of this world(not really, but close).
Despite all the good intentions we have when we decide to lie, it’s wrong and we know it. For the christians, it’s breaking the 9th commandment.
It takes guts and courage to untangle the web of lies that we have created. Because, if you tell the truth, the whole ‘house’ will come crumbling down. However, as one of my friends told me, you can only be free if you tell the truth. You don’t have to keep track of the lies you have told to avoid breaking the chain else everything comes crumbling down.
Therefore, learning to ask for forgiveness (if you are the liar) and forgiving (if you’ve been lied to) is essential. Be empathic but don’t encourage the behavior.