Chasing Happiness
I’ve felt like I was in a rut recently. Nothing was going wrong, nothing was necessarily difficult, but nothing was really making me feel the difference between days either. Monday turned to Tuesday without much thought, and by the weekend I felt like the week had been a blur. So in those moments I would try to find something to set the day apart, make me happy, and give my day some purpose. Bring some happiness to my life.
After two weeks of doing this, I realized today that I’m not in a rut, but I am looking at my days wrong. This isn’t about staying in the moment, or using my phone less, or reminding myself what I achieved at the end of the day, but rather telling my story differently.
Every day when I am talking about myself that is the story line I have chosen for myself. I see this a lot with people that feel like things are not going right. They latch on to the last thing they think went well, and everything past that is a disaster. Their story is real, their story is meaningful, and their story is valid, but there is also another way to look at their experience that can make them feel more fulfilled. Most people do eventually find the alternate path in their story, but for many people I get the sense that they don’t know if that other part of the story is coming.
I have had many parts in my life that could have been those moments. Those moments that it seems my life has lost some purpose to it and everything before it was good, then this happened. At 22, it was trying to wrap my head around how my best friend was no longer a phone call away. Someone I relied on for years for advice, someone to talk to, someone that understood me, and someone that brought infinite positivity to my life. At 24, it was what if this isn’t my career path. At 26, it was how am I supposed to be happy with my wedding and enjoy that memory after losing my father two weeks later. A normal part of life is staying in those emotions for a bit, but then I had to decide what I wanted my life to look like. What would bring me happiness and make me feel like I had purpose again.
My story about these moments is how they helped me find something inside myself. These times did not stop my life, they gave me something. It deepened my connections with those around me, as I had to accept help from friends and family, something I don’t like to do. It gave me the the resilience to keep pursuing my career. It gave me the self awareness to accept that I needed change. Even in the moments where the emotions feel too much to handle, I give myself that moment, but I remind myself my life is more than the sum of my losses and I have more to offer still. My story is not done yet, and I still have so many ways to feel fulfilled.
If I am just chasing happiness, I’m never going to find it.
