pokeMEN dating app causes chaos in NYC
NEWSROOM — DAY
A dashing salt n’ pepper anchorman looks into the camera, getting ready to deliver the nightly news update.
ANCHORMAN
“Ever since the new pokeMEN app was released last week, there has been an outbreak of ravenous single women collecting men off the streets, in Brooklyn beer gardens, and at dog parks of New York, causing an upset to the usual dog-eat-pussy dating scene of the city.”
L TRAIN — RUSH HOUR
A man sits on a crowded subway, reading a CLASSIC NOVEL. Women nearby looking at their pokeMEN app are alerted that a valuable pokeMAN is in their presence. One woman holds her screen up and sees the man digitalized, noted as a rare find. Another woman, staring at him through her own screen looks up at the other woman, ready to pounce so she can snatch him first. Right then, a third woman comes up behind them, knocking them both unconscious with her bag. She pushes people out of the way as she closes in on her pokeMAN.
THIRD WOMAN
“Move bitches! He’s mine!”
The third woman holds her phone out in front of the man. He looks up, startled. He is sucked up into her phone, successfully captured. She looks at her score, satisfied, and takes his seat on the train. Onlookers seem wary of her.
WOMAN 3
“What?”
She looks down and kisses her pokeMAN on the screen.
CENTRAL PARK — DAY
A man is running in male Lululemon attire that perfectly compliments his toned ‘I-used-to-row-heavyweight’ frame. A trail of women are following him, holding their phones like pitchforks.
WOMAN 1
“May the best one win.”
WOMAN 2
“I haven’t been running track throughout college for nothing.”
The man looks back, startled. He begins to panic. He starts running off the path, toward a tree.
WOMAN 2
“Let’s get him!”
The women bulldoze through a child’s birthday party and one woman snatches him up as he’s attempting to climb a tree. He’s sucked into her phone.
UNION SQUARE FARMER’S MARKET -MORNING
A man scouts fresh produce. He’s carrying a basket of free-range eggs, fresh tomatoes, and a gluten-free baguette. A woman comes up behind him.
WOMAN
“I think you dropped a tomato.”
The man turns around. As he turns, the woman catches him on her phone. He is sucked into the screen. She gets extra pokeMEN power points for finding a man that shops local and gluten-free. She picks up his basket and has a bite of his baguette.
NEWSROOM — DAY
ANCHORMAN
“No man in this city is safe anymore. Men are being captured left and right. Rare breeds who go to yoga studios, shop at Whole Foods, are self-proclaimed entrepreneurs, or walk around with instruments on their backs are in extreme danger. The chaos is especially prevalent in Brooklyn- a breeding ground for rare pokeMEN.”
BUSHWICK HANDCRAFTED FURNITURE STORE- DAY
A man with a man-bun created by Zeus himself (and the perfect amount of facial stubble to match, of course) is wearing a flannel t-shirt with rolled up sleeves that accent his muscle-y forearms. He is drinking his own micro-brew IPA as he is putting on the finishing touches to a mahogany table he built with his bare hands. He is oblivious to the hoard of women forming outside the big glass window to the store. He looks up and one woman throws a stone into the window. They all charge.
WOMAN
“It’s the rare Charizard! I’m going to get a lot of experience points for locking him down.”
WOMAN 2
“My ovaries are exploding!”
WOMAN 3
“If they do, I’m claiming the egg-hatch points!”
Right as the women are about to descend upon the man, he pulls out his phone and opens TINDER. A battle of light between the phones of the women and the phone of the man ensues. Holding onto his man bun so it isn’t sucked into the pokeMEN world, he does a mass swipe right on all of the women in front of him. They all are sucked into his phone. He is alerted that he has 543 new matches. He looks at his phone, satisfied, takes a sip of his finely brewed beer, scratches his balls, and goes back to work.
NEWSROOM — DAY
ANCHORMAN
So there you have it, men. Stay alert, and if you swipe all the women on other dating apps, it will keep them from singling you out and capturing you on pokeMEN. I’m Ben Lanc-”
Right as the reporter is finishing his sentence, a woman steps out from behind the filming camera and holds out her phone.
WOMAN
“I always knew you were a catch.”
ANCHORMAN
“Susan! Please! No!”
She sucks him into her phone and smiles, satisfied.
PRODUCER
(Off screen) “Fuck. Ben’s gone. Someone cut to commercial!”
SCREEN CUTS TO BLACK.