List of Episodes: My New Podcast
01 — First episode! 1:16:39
Meredith kicks off the first episode of the podcast by offensively ripping off Marc Maron and talks about her day. Her day mostly consists of spilling yogurt: first on her shirt in the morning, and then on her pants in the afternoon. She runs out of time and forgets to introduce, or even reference, her guest. The mic has connection issues.
02 — First Boyfriend 1:42:58
Meredith starts recording prior to entering the room for a more organic feel. She sits down with her first boyfriend from eighth grade, who is now married with children! Josh asks Meredith why she never really opened up to him, and Meredith deflects with a joke about Mormons. There are about thirty minutes of Mormon jokes, and none of them are enlightened, or any good. Josh wishes Meredith well in the end, and Meredith tells him she’s getting tested for cervical cancer on Tuesday.
03 — Mom + Dad 3:02:13
The podcast has a new theme song that Meredith’s friend Austin recorded for her! Really she just wanted an excuse to message Austin on Facebook! The theme song actually kind of sucks!
Mom and Dad sit down with Meredith to let her know they’re proud of her, and to express their dislike of her use of the “f-word” in her blog. Meredith says the blog isn’t for them. Meredith defends herself through sarcasm and tears after being called an “emotional child”. Mom offers a tube of Pillsbury® cinnamon rolls for the road.
04 — Work Crush 00:59:21
The theme song still sucks! Meredith sits down with her work crush. He asks where to put his motorcycle helmet when he walks in, and Meredith suggests she should wear it: as a bit! She commits to the bit for way too long! You cannot hear her throughout the entirety of the podcast because of the bit! Work crush has a hard time seeing Meredith in a sexual way, and is actually seeing someone on the Brand team.
05 — Clay Aiken 00:42:56
The theme song is remixed with “Bridge Over Troubled Water”, followed by a rambling speech by Meredith letting listeners know the original theme song, which sucks, will be back next episode, and also Austin is an incredibly talented musician and fellow comrade.
Meredith introduces her guest, music sensation and kind-of-politician, Clay Aiken! He is not actually on the podcast, but Meredith plays clips of old interviews from Season 2 of American Idol. Meredith is toying with how interested her listeners are in her own interests/if she is likable for having a quirky crush on an obviously gay man for far too long!
06 — Therapist 00:45:00
Meredith sits down with her therapist, who she has been seeing for over a year now. Meredith spends most of the time trying to figure out if her therapist likes her, and then gets paranoid that her therapist is just humoring her: like when you have to watch a child roller skate, and pretend you don’t see them fall down so they don’t get embarrassed! Meredith eventually starts talking about her dating life, because gossip is entertaining, and she essentially is paying $60/week for a captive audience.
07 — Ex-husband 2:32:04
Meredith’s ex-husband sits down to talk about life after marriage. Ex-husband asks why she never really opened up to him, and Meredith deflects with a joke about salad. She spends too long on jokes about salad; they are not relatable jokes. Meredith says the episode is sponsored by Casper Mattress, but they have actually never reached out about ad space! Ex-husband plugs his new album at the end of the episode, and Meredith plugs a screenplay that she is not finished writing, but definitely will be putting out there soon, and there’s so much buzz about it, it’s almost embarrassing.
08 — Live! (Explicit) 00:17:22
Meredith’s friend Austin plays the theme song live! It is not something the audience wants, or responds to!
Meredith hosts a live episode and invites an exciting panel: her most recent ex-boyfriend, her first boss, and that guy from the bodega she buys Pop-Tarts® from! It doesn’t go well! A lot is edited out! Meredith did not make money from this event!
09 — God 07:07:09
Meredith sits down with God, and is surprised to find out that God is absolutely Everything and Nothing at the same time, manifested within herself and the personalities of others! Episode is mostly dead air mixed with Meredith’s whistle nose as she tries to meditate. Sponsored (not really sponsored) by Casper mattress; only one Casper the Holy Ghost reference is made throughout the duration of this episode.
10 — Any Girl Ever 23:06:04
Meredith sits down with any girl ever and tries to figure out why she’s jealous of her! She’s conflicted, because she wants to empower other women! But they’re all so pretty and overall better, probably! Meredith orders four self-help books and one book by Roxane Gay towards the end of the episode.
11 — The Nephews 00:02:31
Meredith sits down with her two nephews (ages 4 and 6) who would rather be anywhere else within the free world. Two minutes in, one falls off his chair and starts bleeding from his chin! Meredith’s voice becomes extremely high pitched; Meredith’s sister picks the nephews up early.
12 — A Sincere Goodbye 00:01:12
Meredith gives up on her new podcast hobby after only 6 weeks! Someone at work said she had good handwriting, and she is now devoting her time and resources to calligraphy.
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