forgiveness and respect.

A common saying goes — “You do not demand respect; you earn it.” I disagree. Every human, animal, creature deserves a modicum of respect; respect life. Respect person-hood. Respect individuality. Be respectful, period.

I can see in terms of leadership, yes, respect must be earned, not demanded. So too in relationships.

This is the last I will write of this matter.

In a months-long interaction with an individual, I have been disrespected. It did not start out that way; on the contrary — this individual one night out of nowhere said five words that were possibly the kindest any have been spoken to me. And then the weirdness started. It did not seem too weird-ish in the beginning; it was unfamiliar territory for me, but somehow in this individual, I saw someone who could be trusted. Historically, I tend to trust easily. This seemed different.

Then, the first incident of disrespect, without explanation, apology, or rationale. Noted. Followed by attributions of error that were simply false. Noted. But I pressed on, for I saw in this individual something good, something I liked, something I wanted, selfishly. Then flat-out dismissal; no communication; rejection of thought and feeling, apology. Noted.

The mail in the respect coffin was quite recent. It still stings. An interaction reeking of disregard, selfishness, damage, lack of empathy. And a pussy-move, to boot.

This I can and have forgiven. It is not difficult for me to forgive. We are human, we have foibles, I messed up too. We forget that we are not “better” than anyone else, and would we not wish to be extended forgiveness, come the time? I would think so.

But respect. There are levels. Professional, intellectual, emotional, character-driven. I respect this individual professionally (mostly) and intellectually (wholly) — but as for with my feelings, my self, my squishy parts? No, I do not trust nor respect this individual with those things, arguably more important than the rest.

There may be more to the story, but this is where it lies now. Forgiveness — of course. May not matter to this individual or not. It matters to me. And a divided, a partitioned respect.

That personal partition? That’s the kind of respect that has to be earned.