therapy.

Some people find peace in talk therapy. Individuals. The man going through a midlife crisis, the teen battling her cutting. Couples on the brink.

I have two good friends who are psychotherapists. I am sure they do good work for people. Psychotherapy just is not for me, as I have written about.

My therapy is:

music music coffee Tumblr writing reading Instagram

Why music, so much? I don’t even watch television; I don’t go to movies; I am constantly listening to music. It has to be the right music, of course, and I like all kinds. It’s not so much the artist, or the genre, or the decade, as the sound. I tend towards beat-heavy, like rap, and electronica. But not mainstream so much, although sometimes the new artists and their sounds I like blow up. Like Lorde. Pharrell. I like remixes, and covers, and the fresh shit. I still like some of my old stuff, but I am pulling away from it, some of it. Feels like less a time for nostalgia, more a time for looking ahead.

Why Tumblr. I have kept my Tumblog for I think four years. I don’t do it “for” anyone, though I do express feeling for people in it, though the images and such. I don’t know, there’s something about seeing an image that speaks to you of beauty that touches you. I’ve been doing a lot of Tumblr-ing lately. While listening to the music.

Coffee. It’s more a ritual than anything. I only have a cup a day, usually; much more makes me all jittery. Which is ironic, because I take amphetamine salts for my attention and that doesn’t make me jittery at all. No, the coffee is just a way to be still for a few minutes, be present, kind of just enjoy a simple thing. And the warm feeling. I always go to the same place, so the familiarity is comforting. I don’t even go in the morning.

Writing. Helps me get thoughts out. Sometimes I go back and read what I have thought and written. Sometimes it seems off. So I delete it. I am trying to write something through my disparate blog posts that brings some coherence to me. Some people were pushing me to publish something. I am not sure this is anything but a work in progress, and for how long, I have no idea right now. Or if I even want it out there. It’s a mix of — lessons, stories, personal stuff, freestyle. Some “work” content, though I don’t really want to write too much about my past experience in that area, maybe focus more on the ahead. And the present, of course.

And with Instagram I just do the same as with Tumblr — take my phone out with me to stumble upon little bits of beauty. One thing I like; I go out across the street every day and take a picture of the George Washington Bridge. There’s a retaining wall I scramble onto and sit there for a few minutes, traffic rushing by below on the HH Pkwy., and I just think about what it must have been like for him, such a pioneer, the Founder. Pretty significant. I feel like I am in the presence of greatness somehow. Yes I know it is just a steel structure named after him — but it’s the symbolism. When I lived down the street from the Brooklyn Bridge, I dug on that a lot, but this is different.

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