Self-ish (Part I)
A small star shines in the night sky
I look out my window bundled under blankets
Suffocating, boiling air encroaching my senses
My breath hitched and strained
This one star shines too bright.
Who let it exist like that?
My lids flutter softly, trying to hide my sleep
I want to awake but
Something is stopping my heart
There’s a pain in my chest
From something unknown
It feels strained
It feels cold
It feels lonely.
I look to the star in the sky for comfort
Such a fool, I must be.
And so, it looks back at me, in its own distress
“You want me to help you?
How?
I cannot even help myself.
I’m sure you know the feeling.”
This star, you must be lying.
How can you say such a thing?
What could be troubling you?
You cannot help me?
You exist with nothing more, while I,
I suffer. I suffer at the hands of you.
Overcome with a foreign feeling
An ache tears through my chest
I cannot cry anymore
I turn away from the star
It turns away from me
It loses its luster
I lose my stasis
The sky turns blacker
The whole world collapses
Yet stands with a smirk
Easy, so easy, yet it wouldn’t know
My eyes flutter once more
I sigh
I wish you knew, this star
But it’s such a lonely feeling
You must know that at least, right?
I cannot fill this void so easily
In another universe, things will be better
In another world, I can dance on the edge
Without falling off to the abyss
Oh, is that world colored with these stars?
The stars that follow me.
The stars that know better.
The stars that watch me with careful eyes.
Until then,
I look to that small star
Behind my back, it’s changed
It shines despite the distance
As if to laugh at my distress.
Am I just a fool?
I delude myself in a comfort
I tell myself,
I’m not alone.
Even though I am
And always will be
At least, in the confines of my mind
You see, you little star,
To me, that is my whole world
In part, my truth is unknown
When the light dims,
So will I
Though I can’t be sure.
Until then,
When morning comes,
The stars fade away
Shall I follow in their footsteps?
That’s what you wanted, right?
They are placed in my eyes,
You see them, too,
I know you do.
I breathe
Softly, now, not to awaken
They rest until called upon like clockwork
I may drown among the river of stars
If they decide to consume me, I won’t falter
Perhaps they, the stars, pity me
The sun peaks over the horizon
But I find solace in the darkness
I breathe
A short breath
And it may be over.
Maybe.
When the world turns bright. Part II.
