The Star and I

“milky way galaxy under yellow camping tent” by Tom Cleary on Unsplash

A small star shines in the night sky

I look out my window bundled under blankets

Suffocating, boiling air encroaching my senses

My breath hitched and strained

This one star shines too bright.

Who let it exist like that?

My lids flutter softly, trying to hide my sleep

I want to be awake but

Something is stopping my heart

There’s a pain in my chest

From something unknown

It feels strained

It feels cold and lonely

I look to the star in the sky for comfort

Such a fool, I must be.

And so, it looks back at me, in its own distress

“You want me to help you?

How?

I cannot even help myself.

I’m sure you know the feeling.”

This star, you must be lying.

How can you say such a thing?

What is troubling you?

You cannot help me?

Overcome with a foreign feeling

An ache tears through my chest

I cannot cry anymore

I turn away from the star

It turns away from me

It loses its luster

I lose my stasis

The sky turns black

My world collapses

Easy, so easy, yet it wouldn’t know

My eyes flutter once more

I sigh

I wish you knew, this star

But it’s such a lonely feeling

You must know that, right?

I cannot fill this void so easily

In another universe, things will be better

In another world, I can dance on the edge

Without falling off to the abyss

Oh, is that world colored with these stars?

The stars that follow me.

The stars that know better.

Until then,

I look to that small star

Behind my back, it’s changed

It shines despite the distance

As if to laugh at my distress.

Am I just a fool?

I delude myself in a comfort

I tell myself,

I’m not alone.

Even though I am

And always will be

At least, in the confines of my mind

You see, you little star,

To me, that is my whole world

In part, my truth is unknown

When the light dims,

So will I

Though I can’t be sure.

Until then,

When morning comes,

The stars fade away

Shall I follow in their footsteps?

That’s what you wanted, right?

They are placed in my eyes,

You see them, too,

I know you do.

I breathe

Softly, now, not to awaken

They rest until called upon like clockwork

I may drown among the river of stars

If they decide to consume me, I won’t falter

Perhaps the stars pity me

The sun peaks over the horizon

But I find solace in the darkness

I breathe

A short breath

And it may be over.

Maybe.