The Star and I (II)

“silhouette photography of Milky Way during nighttime” by Taneli Lahtinen on Unsplash

(This is the second part of my previous poem, The Star and I.)

In the rays of the sun, I rise

Confusion stinging my cheeks

I thought wrong.

The star has disappeared

Just like it does every night.

It’s just as it was.

The star asks for me, though I cannot see it

I search mindlessly, as if I had one in the first place

When a thousand and one stars create a bright bold sky

The realization blooms, dyeing my senses red

I see it now

I thought wrong.

They didn’t disappear

They just shine brighter

Brighter and brighter and brighter

So bright, it’s blinding

So bright, it’s dazzling,

So bright, it’s dizzying

They are alive

While I float through a vessel

So I wonder, then,

Have I always been such a fool?

Have I always been lying to myself?

What more must I mottle my own mind with?

The star laughs,

“I found it,

Inside of me.

The world doesn’t hate you

You just think it does.

How does delusion taste?

Sweet? Bitter? Electrifying?

Why not yell at your infinite circles?

In your drunken state, you can’t even see the truth

You have to be told to change

I thought you were smarter.

I thought you knew better.

I can change, but you?

That’s not up to me to decide.”

This star,

How could you betray me?

I watched you every night

I waited until you faded, glimmering away, every day

I thought I knew you.

I thought you knew me.

I thought we understood each other.

But I was wrong.

I suppose you are right.

I have only myself to blame.

I see now that my faults were not immobile

That I had the power of the stars wading in my shadow

I suppose when I look out my window

And I see this star again,

In all its bright glory,

It is not malice

It is only perception

And I wonder had I realized sooner

Dear time I had wasted,

Would you forgive me?

This star,

Do you forgive me?

Because now, I realize,

It was me.

And I am only learning to forgive myself.