A letter to my 14 year old self
It’s me. Or rather it’s you.
I know school’s rough right now because it’s always been rough.Being bullied and isolated did a number on your self-esteem so waking up every day is a struggle but I need you to know that it’s not you.
You are not the problem here
It is not your fault that you were isolated freshman year, your personality may not click with anyone yet but I promise you it will. Give it time and please don’t try to change who you are for the sake of fitting in with the crowd. The girl that you think is your best friend isn’t and the crowd that you wished you fit in with will fade out.
In fact let’s talk about that girl you think is your best friend.
You need to leave her. Now. She is not worth the pain of self-doubt and feeling lonely in a crowd. You think she’s doing her job as her friend to tell you what you need to change but trust me she isn’t; true friends don’t expect each other to change for each other. You’re both figuring out too many things to compassionate friends for each other and having no best friend is better than having a fake one. Let her go and try to make sure she lets you go. You are not good for each other.
Another thing, your body is not a problem. Erase the idea that you are not enough because you are not conventionally attractive. Please. This will cause you so much nights spend crying and wishing you were anyone but yourself but I beg you please please don’t hurt yourself. Those scars won’t fade.
Your body was made to carry you to new locations and experiences and just because a boy doesn’t see the worth in your smile doesn’t mean you shouldn’t laugh. Your self-worth is not determined by other people, much less boys.
Don’t worry about dating in high school, anyone that makes you feel bad for not having romantic experience is dealing with their own self esteem problems. Crushes are a rare occurrence for you and when you have then you’re going to have your heart broken by people that did not know they had it: this is not their fault nor is it yours. It’s going to be okay in the end.
It’s human to be sad sometimes but try to tell someone when you feel like the world is a bit much to handle. Your parents are incredible and they will not judge you for feeling low because they’ve been through this before.
Life is messy and filled with the broken edges of things but that doesn’t mean it’s not wonderful.If you’re going to get anything out of this letter, let it be that.
Don’t worry so much about people’s ideas of you and cherish the time you have with your family. You have wonderful parents and a great sister. Tell them how much you love them.
Life has been a battle with your thoughts but keep being yourself okay? It’s going to be great in the end