Noticed

Traffic accidents are fascinating. You know it’s wrong to slow down, but you simply can’t help it — it’s an urge within you that you can’t control that makes you turn your head all the way around as you drive by, to get the full view and take in all the details. Especially the morbid ones. Your eyes scan the asphalt for every drop of bright-red blood, every twisted limb, every piece of glass shattered on the road.

You never thought you’d lose him. The scenario seemed impossible. Even though it was always in the back of your head, you never really believed that you’d lose him forever. Your love was immortal, it was stronger and more powerful than any obstacle that could possibly come in between. You knew from the moment you met him, though it was unknown then where it would all go. But you knew. Somehow. From that night at the bar, the first conversation about something as silly as a table reservation that couldn’t be made. There was a spark. All the detours you took on your way home, just to come by to say hi to him, talk to him for a few minutes and then leave with a smile on your face and a warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach. As your love grew, it became so clear that there was no way back, no way to stop it. Your love was out of this world. Your love was stellar.

Everybody slows down at traffic accidents. Everybody knows it’s wrong to do, but they simply can’t help it. You wonder if the police and forensic scientists ever feel the slightest satisfaction that the horrid, morbid sights might provide. If everyone’s thinking the same as you: “Thank God, it’s not somebody I know”.

You had so many memories together. So many places that were just yours. You could sit together in the park, and even though there were tons of people around chatting, playing ball games, moving about, it was like it was just you and him. When he kissed you, everything and everyone else disappeared and time stood completely still. No wind moved, all noises faded into the background. He made you feel noticed. He made you notice how fast your heart can actually beat as a cause of the feeling of pure love. He made you believe that he could be the one.

You had so many plans for the future. Where you’d take him, what you’d show him, what you’d do with the precious time waiting ahead where it would just be him and you. With nothing to hide. Finally together with no secrets, no slight feeling of guilt for the love that you shared, the love that you initially stole even though it felt like it belonged to you all along.

Love is a traffic accident. When you collide, you come together — if you’re strong enough, you survive. Love hurts, but sometimes it’s a good hurt. It makes you feel alive. But heartbreak is a crash with a 99% risk of fatality, but it is rarely an accident. One person already see it coming, maybe months ahead, maybe only the second before it’s too late to hit the breaks and stop.

When you slow down to look at a traffic accident, you take a risk. You don’t keep your eyes on the road. You don’t notice what’s happening, and maybe you’re not noticed either.

You never thought you’d lose him. That was your last thought before the blinding lights made you turn your head. Before the collision that would end you. Before the immense pain, the bright-red blood, the twisted limbs and the shattered glass now all around you on the road. The very last thoughts in your head were how you never thought you’d lose him, how you wished he’d warned you, and how you wish you’d worn a seatbelt. How you wished you had been noticed.